I’ll paint you a picture, but I won’t be in it. I’m never in the photo, because I’m always the one behind the camera. Pose, everyone, smile, wave, make sure you look nice because this one’s going straight to Facebook.

I don’t participate in history, I merely watch it happen. I remember everything, without being remembered once. I exert my silent influence, I shape all events to my will – but hey, don’t mind me. I’m just a blank canvas, my memory there to be written on. After all, it’s not like the photographer could choose her own focus or anything. It’s not like the artist could depict the unfolding events in her own light. Nope, I’m just a harmless bystander...

Perform your lives for me, let your dramas take place. I’ll be all the audience you need. The world’s a stage, and we are all performers. Except for me, I’m not important. I only write the script. Oh no, really, no thanks is necessary. It’s only a tiny role, superfluous, really. I’ve never been one for acting, I lack dramatic flair, so they made me a job so I wouldn’t feel too left out. Please, no sympathy. I’m okay, truly.

Give me the pen, I’ll write your destiny.

Mindlessly you take the pages, reading them word for word. Dance and sing your way through with calculated emotion, pause here for canned laughter, plan your spontaneity, jump through this hoop, bend over backwards. Don’t bother about photos, I’ll take plenty. Don’t bother writing it down, because I already have. Keep no record of your thoughts, don’t press save before you exit.

I’ll just watch, content to stay behind the scenes. Really, I’m not ambitious, I’ll take whatever little job comes my way. The show must go on, and I’m content just to watch. But you know what? Some nights, as I peep out from behind the curtain and watch the drama unfold, I get the strangest feeling. A self-satisfied warm glow inside, a thrill of superiority. Almost as if I was in control of the whole thing.

Do the puppets know that someone’s pulling their strings?

Do you ever feel inclined to truly despise the internet?

It preserves our stupidity far better than any written page
Far better than any memory
Why, oh why, was I ever allowed near a computer?!
I cringe now to see the things I wrote.
Things that would be long forgotten had they merely been spoken
But, because of this accursed medium, they are rendered indestructible.
Those stupid comments, those ridiculous blog entries, the incredibly ignorant things I said
Are lurking out there still, waiting for someone who wants to dish dirt on me.
And my idiotic thirteen-year-old self will be resurrected.
A four-year-old journal would be long lost by now
But a four-year-old blog entry is as accessible as the day it was typed.

How many times have we been told this?
"Once you put something on the internet, it's not private anymore."
Too bad, then, that our opinions change.
The things you are proud to profess today
Will humiliate you tomorrow.
Those are the rare occasions when you wish your parents had been a whole lot stricter with their censorship.
Because if they had, maybe I wouldn't have written those stupid, ignorant, embarrassing things.
To the people I offended, to the people I insulted, I'm sorry. I really am.
But that doesn't mean much when the flame wars begin.

But why do I speak in the past tense?
I'm still blogging, aren't I?
Facebooking, Twittering, Livejournaling, deviantARTing?
And in a few years time, who knows what will come back to haunt me?
Maybe I should be kept away from the internet for my own good.
But as if that would work.
After all, I was playing computer games before I could spell my own name.
With an obsession like that, giving it up is a whole lot more easily said than done.

Welcome to the flipside.

No one's normal here. We won't bother trying to prove it - it's all around you. It's seeping into your pores, you're breathing it deep into your lungs, it's numbing your senses, it's blurring the edges of your vision, it's distorting your perceptions of reality. But whose reality?

We're not angry nonconformists, trying to prove how separate from mainstream society we are. We're far, far beyond that. We have no need to flash our freak status in your scandalised face. If you truly knew us, you'd be craving some mundane normality long before you were through.

Dreamers, you say scornfully, foolish idealists, trying to hide your panic as your world shifts and changes before your disbelieving eyes. What are dreams, though and what is reality? What is good, and what is evil? What is darkness, and what is light? You see the world as a solid, concrete construct, static, unchanging, immovable. We see it as a balloon, a bubble, a cloud, a daydream. It can be reversed, it can be flipped inside out, it can be exploded into smithereens and put back together. It can dissolve into fragments, only to reform again.

But what's the point, you ask, the focus? Well, here we don't focus because we're partial to artistic blur. Why look for a point? It's probably a sharp point, and that sounds painful. I'm afraid that concepts like 'objectivity' and 'reality' don't quite apply here. Our world isn't the opposite of yours, and it's not the difference that frightens you. It's the similarity, the ease with which your world could become this one. It's just a subtle paradigm shift, a slight change in the lighting, a small adjustment here, a tiny tweak there...

People don't fear the unknown because it's alien and strange, they fear it because it's so close.

I'm not a stranger. You've always known me, you've always been me.

Fight all you want, it becomes you. And you're becoming it.

Irreversibly.

unfair unfair unfair unfair unfair unfair unfair
coursing through my head on an endless repeat
how could you do this to them?
why? what does it fix? what does it achieve? why is this even necessary?
so many questions, none of which will ever have answers
just know this - you have lost all respect in my eyes.

maybe if you wanted respect, you should have shown some to other people
I don't know who decided to elect you to this office
but whoever they were, they were sadly mistaken.
sad for us, sad for them, sad for everything.
who knows where this will end.
because our brief time here is far too precious
to be wasted on your inanities.
one would think that you'd figured it out by now.
still, it's not like you would listen to me.

the first look you ever gave me was one of hatred
the first words you spoke were harsh and cutting.
a bad start, you told me, a bad attitude.
perhaps you were the reason it was so.

A vision in pastels
Highlights and lowlights, all blurred with the soft mist of time
Memories burnished to a glossy sheen
By the constant loving caress of thought that keeps them alive and glowing
I don't want them ever to fade
Because the moments I spent with you were some of the best
How I wish we could go back to those times.

Or do I?
Because to go back would mean losing a year of my life
A year of experiences, a year of joys and sorrows
If I could relive those times, erasing all memories of what came after
I would gain nothing more from it
And if I could relive them, knowing what I know now,
I think it would break my heart.
Sad to say, we truly are the sum of our experiences.

Yet I do want to go back to those times
Because I know I could never recreate them
And I know that life will never be quite the same again
A rare window of opportunity, never to come again
It's comforting to know that I tried to make the most of it
That during that short time, I really did live life to the full

Like planets worshipping our separate suns
Our paths were starcrossed, our orbits coincided
And our combined lights together truly were beautiful.
But the moment has passed, we're drifting away
And although you're not lost to me yet, I feel that one day you will be
Ultimately, the same star governs all our destinies
But I can feel gravity pulling me in a direction where you don't wish to follow
And once I've gone there, I won't want to come back
Will you still be able to reach out to me across the galaxies?
I don't dare ask, because deep down I fear
That as time passes, you will no longer want to.

"Noooooo!!!! Why did *insert name of band here* get signed to *insert big label here*?!?!?! SELL OUTS!!!!!"

"NOOOOO! Why do they have heaps of fans now?! They're not REAL fans! SELL OUTS!!"

"Noooooo!!! They're so mainstream now! They don't care about the music, only money!!!! SELL OUTS!!!!"

Aaaaargh. Like it or not, being an underground band signed to a label nobody's heard of with a tiny (albeit devoted) fanbase payeth not the bills. And if they're really as great as you say they are, isn't it logical for them to be attracting more fans?! And bands change their sound. Just because their new album is different and possibly more popular doesn't mean they've sold their souls to some evil corporation. (That especially doesn't make sense when their latest album is even less mainstream-sounding than its predecessor.)

But no. According to you, bands must never become famous, rich, popular or change their sound, because that would make them sellouts. They have to stay unknown, never gain more fans, never change or mature and never earn enough for music to be their living.

Also. "If I make a band, I'm only gonna become just popular enough to make a living!"

And how exactly will you accomplish this? Have a fan quota which must not be exceeded? Never perform big shows even if your fans want to see you? Refuse to allow your songs to be played on radio? Chuck out all the extra money you earn that you don't absolutely need?

Why is it fine for bands to be 'rising stars' or 'heading for the big time' or 'on their way to stardom' but it's not okay for them to actually get there? Having dreams is fine, then, but achieving them isn't.

No, I will NOT listen to your crazy advice. Why on earth should I pretend to be dumber than I am, simply so I can blend into the background? And the alternative is surely too terrible to consider - "OMG, people might actually discover that I have a brain and am capable of stringing a sentence together without every second word being an expletive! THE HORROR!!!!"

I find a list of 'great teen reads'. So much for variety. Why is it that they are all about:

a) Girls whose lives are torn apart by some terrible tragedy and who have to pick up the pieces
b) Random fashion-obsessed chicks who want to start clothing lines
c) Lonely outcasts who somehow vanquish the 'popular girls' and become queen of the school

And that's it. Either dead depressing, shallow and meaningless, or clichéd and unrealistic. And EW. Gossip Girl.

And will someone PLEASE write a book about school life that's vaguely believable? A school that's not a 'prep school', doesn't have a bitchy 'popular group', doesn't revolve around some stupid party/outfit and isn't a tearjerker about broken relationships or abusive teachers. Then maybe there'd be a chance of fitting a plot in there somewhere.

Question: why do books for teens always have to be about real life anyway? I'm not gonna read a book simply because it 'bears a striking parallel to the experiences of teenagers today' or 'tragically mirrors real life'. I don't need to read depressing books to know what teens' lives are like - I am a teen! Living my own life and observing those of my friends is drama aplenty.

And I'm sick of people brushing off fantasy books because they're 'not realistic' or because they 'make teens lose touch with reality'. It's not like reality's exactly easy to lose - "OMG! I need some reality, now! Where, oh where can I find some?" No, my existence is just an illusion and 'real life' can be found only within the pages of depressing novels.

And all the fantasy books you find seem to just be metaphors for something else. Usually something depressing, such as the world perishing due to global warming/evil world leaders/nuclear holocaust/*insert apocalyptic prediction here*. I don't want to be dragged back to real life - I want to escape it. I don't want to have to sift through the story as I read, analysing and carefully searching for hidden messages and veiled insults. I want to forget myself and be immersed completely in the politics and customs of another world, one that is completely disconnected from my own.

It's 1:05 am. I'm still on the computer. This is made possible by the fact that my sister is sleeping upstairs tonight and isn't here to kick me off.

When you do something for too long, eg listening to music, reading, staring at the screen, it warps your sense of time and plays havoc inside your head. It's like a drug. Even though your ears are ringing or your back aches or your eyes are blurring or whatever, you don't want to stop - you just want to be sucked in deeper. And when no one yanks off the headphones or takes your book away or turns the computer off, that's exactly what you can do...

Excuse me while I go get high.

Isn't it strange, how you can hardly know someone at all and yet feel willing to give up your life for them.

I promised myself that this year I'd listen to every single band in the Soundwave lineup BEFORE I went. AFI, MCR and HIM (so many acronyms) I already know and love, Paramore and Escape The Fate I don't love, and the rest are unknown quantities. Aargh, I'm starting to think mathematically again. Nooooo!

I never realised how many songs by Faith No More I've actually heard without knowing who they were by. Hehe, I went and downloaded a bunch of stuff and I'm kind of in love with Midlife Crisis ^_^ Not to mention, Surprise! You're Dead and Digging The Grave.

I just realised how morbid all that sounds. Oh well.

And dude, WHY is Soundwave selling so fast? Last year I bought my tickets in December (or was it January?) no problems. But this time around, the tickets went on sale at 9 am on Friday, I bought mine around 4 pm, and then everyone starts panicking on Saturday about them being nearly gone O_o Probably because all the so-called 'emo' bands are playing, meaning that all those infuriating poser emo kids will buy tickets to see MCR and ignore all the other awesome bands, instead sitting around looking depressed all day. Stupid people pretending to be depressed, and taking credibility away from the people who actually are...

Silent, purposeful figures, crossing the wide courtyard. Arms laden with books, they walked together with a certain sombre affinity. They did not talk, nor laugh, but stayed a respectful distance from each other. Close, but not too much so.

A capricious breeze sprang up, filling the air with the fresh scent of spring. It whipped through the courtyard, making the flags snap and crack on their poles, snatching skirts and stray hair that had escaped from ponytails, making the graceful willow branches sway to and fro. And the first wet drops fell from the sky, splashing on upturned faces and warm concrete.

"Aargh, my hair!"
"Quick, let's get inside!"
"Oh no, I forgot my umbrella today..."

But she hardly heard them. She stared at the shifting masses of grey cloud above her, gasping as the wet drops fell on her face and streaked down her cheeks. Huge, cool drops, each one splashing individually to the earth. She sank to her knees, books cascading to the ground.

"The sky is crying," she whispered brokenly, her throat expanding with an unbearable sob. "The sky is crying..."

And as her companions watched, bewildered, she fell slowly forwards and clasped her head in her hands, face hidden behind her hair, tears dripping to the ground and mingling with the rain.

Submerged in an ocean of feelings
we don't resurface often
it's easier that way.

It's safer down there
warm shadows embrace you as you move through the mysterious darkness
shades of emotion caress your senses
you can't see clearly, but that doesn't matter
I've never been able to anyway.
Faces are blurred, sounds are muted
in the warm fuzziness, touch is all that's required
we coexist peacefully.

Of course there are the danger zones
wastelands of pain
wild storms of loneliness
the red heat of rage
lurking just out of reach
until something triggers it and brings it flooding back
but it can be avoided
and we can just float along
sleepily comprehending those around us
blissfully numb

Until you drag me out again.
Why do you do it?
Do you like to hurt me?
You do it every time you
yank the earphones from my head
drag the pillow off my bed
throw my books onto the floor
shout at me and slam the door
don't bring me back to reality
it's too hard, too brutal, too unrelenting

life is a sharp blade, cutting into my flesh
bitter as the tears that it brings to my eyes
leave me alone
let me join the others in the ocean of feelings
until the hurt all drains away
and I sink under
numb once more

It’s strange

that the very thing that fills your soul with its beauty

and elevates your mind to a new level of understanding

is the same one that everyone delights in tearing down

poisoning it, despoiling it

until you clutch its tattered remains to your heart

and weep.

Why do you do it?

I know that it was never your intention

but every harsh word you throw at it hurts me

every jeering accusation pierces straight through my heart

I’m sure that if you knew how much it kills me

you would stop.

at least I hope so

the alternative is too terrible to consider

because if that’s really the way you feel about me

what hope do I have?

Take this away

and the sky is ripped from over my head

the ground drops into nothingness beneath me

every light in the universe is extinguished

and I’m nothing, insignificant, tiny

whirling through the dark void of space

with no purpose or meaning

for eternity

Take this away, and I cease to exist

take this away

and I am nothing.

You seek merely to divest me of my ignorance

my hypocrisy, my pride

Do you know that in reality you’re stripping away

my dignity

my purpose

and every last trace of joy I ever possessed?

Well, aren't I nice. Everyone else has gone to my little brothers' school show, and I'm home alone, the only one who wouldn't come.

Why is that, you ask?

Because I have homework. No it isn't - you know you'll never get it done until midnight at least.

Because I don't feel well. But you haven't felt well all week, and that hasn't stopped you doing anything else.

Because I'm mean and I care more about Facebook than my own brothers, okay? Not true. You can't stand the sight of Facebook anymore, and you're sick of computers and everything to do with them.

Because I want to be home alone. No you don't. You hate being alone, because the sad thoughts rise to the surface when there's no one around to suppress them.

But I want to listen to my music up loud, by myself. No you don't. There's nothing you feel like hearing.

But if no one's around, I can play the piano as loud as I like. That won't make you happy. You won't find the courage, anyway, because the silence seems so loud you don't like to break it.

But then why am I here, lonely and by myself? Are you afraid? Yes. Of what? I don't know.

Heheh. I think I should post on here more often, and less on LJ. So...

HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!!!! Anchor weekend, Wangaratta and lots of sleeping. Oh, and my English oral, although I'm trying not to think about that...

Hi Mary-Anne ^_^

Bill Kaulitz does NOT look like a girl. Am I the only one who thinks this?!



He doesn't look girly here! Hmph. So there.

Dude, I haven't posted on here for AGES. Partially because my internet has only just been fixed (YAY!!!!!!) and partially because LJ is just so damn addictive O_o

You know what else is addictive? Tokio Hotel. Must find some cute pics to stick on the classroom wall and counteract all the disgusting Jonas Brothers/Gossip Girl stuff that's already there...

Problem with watching too many movies/dramas with subs - it turns your ears off. Then when someone throws in random English you panic. "What? Why can't I understand?! Oh...right. English!"

I feel so sorry for anyone in the next ten years who wants to write a book about vampires - they'll instantly be accused of imitating Stephenie Meyer. Even sorrier for people with the word 'twilight' in their usernames or whatever else, with no relation to the book, because people will instantly think they're hardcore teenieboppers. Although there are a bunch of books out lately that are obviously cheap Twilight imitations...

Just rereading that, I was like wait, did I leave out a capital letter somewhere? But no - it's just my stupid brain automatically tries to capitalise 'twilight'! See how pervasive it is?!

What's also annoying is people who instantly think you're stupid just because you like the book. Hey, it was alright before Robert Pattinson and the screaming thirteen year old fangirls arrived on the scene...

Stupid Windows Vista. The only good thing about it is the cool screensavers. Pity they don't work on XP... -_-

One and a half weeks left of holidays. And no idea what to do to fill in the time. The only thing stopping me from wishing they were already over is the large pile of homework in my schoolbag... -_-

Well, it would appear that Jacqui was right. ALOE VERA WATER FTW! With lychee ^_^ (Btw, isn't 'lychee' a cute word?)

And also. Dude. Why is it so WINDY?! Equinoctial gales, apparently. Exactly how long does the equinox go for?! I thought it was the equinox back in March! And every day the newspaper has some more of those 'windy enough to...' sayings. "It was windy enough to blow the lines off a road" was the latest one. And on top of that, it's COLD. Not that I'm complaining. 15 or thereabouts is my ideal temperature ^_^ Everyone else is though. I just don't think I register the cold sometimes - like before, when I was sitting down here on the computer and gradually came to the realisation that my fingers were too stiff to type properly.

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone bring Tokio Hotel to Melbourne! I don't know why I'm so obsessed after only listening to them for like, half a week, but they HAVE to come here. They just HAVE to. PLEASE.

Oh dear. It all started with Joanna's deviantART and I think I'm gonna develop a full-0n obsession with Tokio Hotel. HOW could you get past Bill's hair?



...I don't think anyone ever reads this anymore, but if anyone does, GO AND LISTEN TO TOKIO HOTEL.

8yrfhnp;fhn04rfyhnfh8efhn why does this always happen. Every time I go to Shinny's house my head gets STUFFED WITH K-POP!!!!!!!!!! e7frheufh9owe7fuuhuoffff well I suppose that's a good thing, all this lovely Asianness... 43thnufhn Arashi tf8yhfnshndf Kat-tun 8eyhrne0fhnsufn Tae Yang dsughasduuasdbsd8 Tokio fysf0s888888888888yd08hsouisd0 NewS sd8s7d7sdj294wi4wdkfmkkmfmsdusd8u'.;.'k.'.[lg[ph Big Bang day7d8ioudhna DBSK 3rw7rfsifh349 Super Junior as78dey3948h23e4ijd9 Gokusen dtysd7s9ydddddd My Boss My Hero sf7syf7sfiisfdhf Hana Yori Dango sd8yys0dy7ds Tablo gfy73w89ruhoigld Matsumoto Jun sd7w7eouef Boys Over Flowers ys08fy8fs Hana Kimi TOO MANY SHINKUMI FANFICS a7dyhasudddaudsda oh dear.

It's midnight. Actually, it's more like half past.

Why do I feel so much more alive at night?

But WHY can't I go to school in my pyjamas? *sigh* Oh, the injustice of it all...

"I've got you now, L!"

"Why don't you look again, Light?"

"Curses..."

Why are there so many bands who seem to think that insulting religion - any religion - is justified if it sells you a few records? I find it incredibly hard to take them seriously...

Things I have discovered...

• If the world suddenly and unexpectedly comes to a violent and cataclysmic end, you'll know who to blame. Zoe, for not leaving a space in her book ^_^
• Calculators are no longer called calculators - they're plussers. Definitely an improvement, don't you agree?
• Sometimes, staying immobile with your head under your pillow really IS the best course of action.

I agree - writers are often underappreciated on deviantART. But finding a good piece of writing isn't as easy as judging visual art. You can't just glance at it - you have to read the whole thing. And unfortunately, most of the stuff I come across seems to be either endless emo rants, random poems that I can't decipher or badly written fanfiction. You have to sift through gigabytes of ungrammatical fangirliness before finding anything worth reading DX

(Lol, I can talk, having been guilty of all three of the aforementioned annoyances ^_^)

Ahem. What do you MEAN Storm Hawks has a predominantly male fanbase? Dude, violence-loving little brothers cannot compete with obsessive goth chicks! I mean, how could you get past Stork? No cartoon with anyone bearing such a marked resemblance to Davey Havok escapes the fangirls! And then there are the yaoi lovers. Yet more unlikely pairings to feed their fantasies...

WTH?! Why are people telling me I seem like the type of person who wouldn't like hugs or physical contact?! I LIKE hugs!

Dammit...

-_-

I drifted out the front door last night to see what fascinating things had been wrought under cover of darkness. It was cold, even by my standards. The kind of biting, extremity-numbing cold that makes you feel alive. And the clouds were the most startling thing. Like strange, luminous balls of cotton wool, floating across the sky.

The single streetlight cast a silvery sheen on the damp road, resembling nothing more than a spotlight waiting for someone to step into it. The moon was perfect, not quite full, and floating bright and unobscured in the sky. The stars were bright points piercing the freezing night. But something was different - the smell of the air. The fresh, clean airy smell that usually perfumes the night was missing, as was the heavy scent of the nocturnal bush under my window. Instead, there was a smell of cold.

Cold has its own distinct smell, you know. The pure scent of the air on a frigid winter morning, the edgy taste of water filled with iceblocks. And strangely enough, its smell is the same as that of heat. Once you separate the smell of summer from everything that it always gets mixed up with - the scorched grass and salt and smoke - the two are identical. You can smell it on the stove as it ignites into flame, separate from the odour of gas, and when you burn your tongue, it's there a second before the pain.

I skipped silently down the steps and ran to the footpath, feeling the cold of the concrete seeping through my socks. Standing on the edge of the kerb, I looked searchingly at the puddle of light on the road, trying to make sense of it. It seemed so unexplainably purposeful, as though it was waiting for something - something a lot more important than me, that would happen regardless of me and whether or not I was watching. If I even knew how to see.

My confused mind swirled with images, mainly of those adorable glowing fairies that populate books by Shirley Barber. In my mind's eye, a group of small, luminous fairies swirled and danced under the streetlight to strains of tinkling music, filling the air with their high pitched chatter until they suddenly and inexplicably darted out of sight, whatever business they had been about abruptly finished. For some reason, this all conveyed nothing but a sense of extreme pointlessness.

I saw a car approaching and dashed to the footpath, hiding behind a bush until it had passed. (People in cars never seem to look very favourably on pyjama-clad teenagers in the middle of the night.) When it was gone, I lay down on the footpath and stared at the heavens. No celestial vista tonight - it seemed like a painted surface with cotton wool balls stuck on for effect. And the moon and stars were the only things that moved.

It's raining. And for some reason, that feels like an incredibly profound statement.

Thousands of little splashes, everywhere a raindrop hits, every gutter transformed into a fast-flowing river and flooding the drain. The wind grabbing everything and throwing it around, whipping the rain into waves as it pours down the street. Wet drops hanging on every leaf and flower petal, water streaming down every surface. Just the sheer amount of water makes me so happy...

Life In Technicolor. This song really reminds me of an ad for something. I dunno what? Telstra? Paint? iPhones? Safeway? Something featuring bright colours, boppy music, cute kids and an optimised viewing experience, probably.

I’m so strange. I listen to angry death metal when I’m in a good mood. And what am I listening to now that I’m furious and heartbroken and want to break things? Coldplay.

Now and then, everyone succumbs to the urge to write song lyrics somewhere. You hear a beautiful song or a single line that resounds in your head, and you just have to share it with the world. So you write it out in your best handwriting, or you type it with double spacing and lots of ~ and *.

And to you, it looks perfect. But to those who don’t know the music, it’s just words. And no matter how powerful the words are, they need their song.

How do you combat this? Well, I won’t try.

There’s a wild wind blowing down the corner of my street
Every night there the headlights are glowing
There’s a cold war coming, on the radio I heard
Baby, it’s a violent world

Oh love, don’t let me go
Won’t you take me where the streetlights glow
I can hear rain coming, I can hear the siren sound
Now my feet won’t touch the ground

Time came a-creeping, oh and time’s a loaded gun
Every road is a ray of light
It goes on…time only can lead you on
Still it’s such a beautiful night

Oh love, don’t let me go
Won’t you take me where the streetlights glow
I can hear rain coming, like a serenade of sound
Now my feet won’t touch the ground

Gravity, release me, and don’t ever hold me down
Now my feet won’t touch the ground

Coldplay – “Life In Technicolor II”

Hum. I'm thinking of trying the 100 Themes Project. Thing is, the ones provided don't appeal, multitudinous though they are. Anyone got any ideas? Anything! One word, if necessary. Just give me something I can philosophise about ^_^

I fell asleep with the moon in the east, sending light filtering through the screen onto my pillow. I woke up and it was in the west, glowing in the still-dark sky with a few wisps of cloud around it. It's still dark at twenty to seven, but there's a faint glow in the east - every time I look out the window it's brighter.

Light thickens.

Life In Technicolour II really is a beautiful song.

Piper: *looks askance at speaker* "Uh...doom laden weather balloons of doom?"

Hmm...I am really beginning to appreaciate Coldplay.

SOMEONE HACKED MY EMAIL!!!

Would someone kindly inform me WHY the message page on deviantART takes so long to load?!

A strange rhino/triceratops/whale/unicorn amalgamation chased another one of its kind across the sky, before gradually melting into wisps of nothing.

A regiment of determined-looking cake slicers emerged from behind the trees - or perhaps they were cursors, or those weird little arrows you see on weather maps. But they turned into dragon mice before they got very far.

A solemn fruit fly typed intently on a keyboard - perhaps its morose expression could be attributed to the fact that the monitor in front of it was rapidly evaporating. But before it could, quite unexpectedly, everything morphed somehow into a sneezing gerbil.

A duck with a propellor on its head floated past - at least I think it was a duck. It might have been a hippo...

And then a bird sang piercing overhead, and the clouds were nothing but clouds again.

I flopped down on the trampoline, my hair splashed in a static aura around my head. I looked at the blue sky through the tangled curtain obscuring my face, and wondered why it seemed so much nicer now that it was autumn. And I wondered why there were rainbow highlights glinting off everything, and why the sun made my hair so orange and shiny...

And I just lay there for ages, drifting in and out of consciousness...

Woah...trippy. Like the lights when NIN was playing...

Teehee. The icecream truck just stopped outside our house. I haven't seen it all summer, and now that it's autumn it finally shows up ^_^

Oh dear. I got sick, missed a week of school and now I'm drowning in homework...

And I can't find anything about the effects of the British Raj on religion in India, and Toni's gonna kaill me. Aish.

-_-

Wow. I looked out the window, saw the moon, and felt strange. I think I'm definitely a selenomaniac ^_^ Incidentally, do you know how much more interesting the moon looks when you actually look at the whole thing, not just what's illuminated? It just gives it another dimension entirely...

Gaaaaah. Why are there so many lame polls about 'the most racist ethnicity'? WHO CARES?!?!?! You're only setting yourself up for hate mail and angry comments. Anyway, racism isn't genetic - it's about the way you were raised and how diverse your environment is. Pointing fingers at one particular group of people doesn't do anything - everyone is capable of making unfair judgements and generalisations, so everyone needs to overcome that.

*sigh* -_-

Why is everyone so in love with summer? In my opinion, it's the worst time of the year. Stifling heat, bushfires, feeling hot and sticky all the time... -_- And don't get me started on the beach! Sand getting everywhere, everything tasting of salt, lots of disgusting seaweed, sunburn...and I HATE the smell of the sea. It's GROSS. EW.

I think rain is terribly underappreciated. Maybe not so much now that we're in a drought, but still. Is it possible to have reverse SAD (seasonal affective disorder)? Because now that it's finally raining - well, more like misting - I just feel so relieved. Like I've been holding my breath all summer and I can finally relax.

You know all those annoying sayings about smiling and being positive? Usually they annoy me, but I think when you put them in the context of mosh pits, they actually have some value.

Eg. You are at Soundwave. You are simultaneously...

• being shoved around
• being squashed
• trying not to fall
• trying to breathe in approximately 50 degree heat
• wiping sweat out of your eyes
• trying not to lose your glasses
• getting kicked in the head by crowdsurfers
• trying to steer clear of that flailing idiot over there
• trying not to lose Niamh

If you panic in this situation, you are in BIG trouble. Because if you do, you will probably start hyperventilating and forget how to breathe, then you will fall over and get stomped on and trip people up, then your glasses will definitely get lost, and someone will have to somehow extricate you from this mess. And then you will probably have no desire to mosh any more for the rest of the day, and Niamh will have to mosh by herself :(

But if you stay positive and just laugh it off when you get hit, none of the above will occur ^_^

Dude.

Soundwave. Was. Awesome.

And now I can't stop listening to Nine Inch Nails.

Ok, this is bad, I'm turning into a MAJOR geek.

Signs of geekiness...

• Staying up til midnight editing VBScripts
• Spending hours Googling ways to speed up XP
• Causing everyone to stare at me blankly whenever I talk about computers
• Downloading registry keys
• Asking everyone how big their hard drives are

Guilty as charged. And on top of that, I'm sick :(

...I think I'm a selenomaniac.

46.4 DEGREES?! That's the hottest temperature ever recorded in an Australian capital city! And they've been taking records since 1850...

People think of blue as a cool colour. Nothing cool about the summer sky! Yes, it's blue, but not like water or anything like that. More like a blue ceramic pot being baked in a kiln...

Gaaaaaaaah. What is WITH these crazy Twilight fans? And no, I don't mean the ones who run around screaming "EDWARD!" and rush to the shops to buy Breaking Dawn. I mean the CRAZY ones who attack people who don't like Twilight! And try to kill them...

For goodness sake people, it's ONLY A BOOK! It's not the answer to life and the new Bible or something! Do you think you're gonna improve Twilight's reputation with your stupidity?!

And what the heck is with the IMVU ads. The ones with random vampirical dudes who I think are supposed to resemble Edward.

Well...welcome to the world of wacky weather. And alliteration.


Australia really is one screwed up country. While we Melburnians are melting in 43 degree heat, Queensland is trying to cope with floods!

Would it be exaggerating to say that a few days ago, Australia was one of the hottest places in the world?

Not to mention all that psycho snow in the US and Britain...wacked out weather :S

Oh, the differences in opinion to be found in my household...


Me: *turns on radio in the car*
Me: That's a cool remix...
Mum: Remix? It sounds like a malfunctioning washing machine!
Dad: Turn it down!


Me: *turns on I Killed The Prom Queen*
Mum: What IS this barbaric din?!
Me: Mum! It's beautiful screamo! *flutters eyelashes*
Gen: YEAH! Exactly!
Dad: TURN IT DOWN!

Gen: What IS this DIN?!
Me: It's lovely Killers!
Gen: He sounds like a constipated moose!
Me: Hey! Don't insult Brandon!
Mum: It's quite nice, actually...
Me and Gen: O_O
Dad: TURN IT DOWN!!!

43.4 degrees. Aish. Doesn't it make you hot just looking at the front cover of the Herald Sun?

Here I am online, and I don't know what I'm doing. Random things I've found myself looking at...

• Some dude's MySpace claiming that Davey Havok is God (and I think they actually believe it)
• LJs of random gay dudes who worship Brandon Flowers
• A site extolling the virtues of self-harm
• Musings of people with Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome who had abusive childhoods
• Some site about the philosophies of Mormons
• Lots and lots of websites I can't read because they're not in English
• Fansites for bands I've never heard of

...oh dear.

WHY are there so many stupid ads for online dating?! How many different kinds of dating can there be?! Many, apparently. So far, I've encountered...

• Just plain 'dating'
• Gay dating
• Lesbian dating
• African dating
• Korean dating
• Chinese dating
• Asian dating
• Jewish dating
• Muslim dating
• Christian dating
• Goth dating

o_O

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone! And also happy Australia Day ^_^

So, what did I do on this doubly auspicious day? Made fried noodles, of course! With some help from the sibling...

Me and Genevieve in eager anticipation... (I look really stupid there x_x)

*sigh* Isn't it beautiful?


Me, concentrating very hard on pouring the tea...

How awesome are these bus stops???

Not to mention this.

A public prayer booth? Wow! Dude, I'd so use that!

Random musings on various people...

A red umbrella, beautiful in the grey rainstorm. Alone, yet brave. A little scared, but not afraid to show its true self.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You're amazing. So amazing. When I made my New Year's resolutions, I asked God to help me be more like you. You're never going to read this, you don't really know me that well. But you inspire me. You really really do. I'm glad I found the courage to tell you that. And hug you. Because dude, if souls were lights, mine would be a fairy light and yours would be one of the light towers at the MCG.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You say people don't like you because you're different. Well, I like you. And I agree that purple tastes good. It was awesome talking to you, because you're funny and nice and you have great taste in clothes. So don't listen to the jerks. And I wouldn't mind seeing you again sometime.

Ok, here I am at 1:30 am, and I can't stop listening to 'Great Southern Land' by Icehouse. Dunno why. And just singing in a weird, mesmerised kind of way.

Just dance, dance in your head honey, let the music take you away. Ignore the cliche, I don't even like honey, why do I say it? It's instinctive, like saying, "Everything will be alright," when the world's collapsing around you. We're creatures of habit, products of our environment.

Although I suppose you are like honey - you came from something with a sting, yet you convey none of it, beautiful. Sweet, too, like the honey I can't stand. And sticky, as are the situations you get us into. Sticky...now that could be interpreted wrongly. Hey, don't blame me, I'm going on insinuation. You're the master of insinuation. Or the mistress? I dunno. Am I even talking to you?

Syrup is sticky too. Gaaah, I hardly like the stuff. And that annoying red leaf on the bottle. Leaves, they fall in autumn, don't they? When will our autumn be? Will it lead to winter? Will spring ever come? But then, do I want spring? Or will I melt into the snow, meld with the ice? You know I hate the heat. 'Summer love' = a fling, nothing that lasts. True love shows in winter, when it's cold. Love warms your heart, helps you live.

Why are cliches so disgustingly accurate? Well, if they weren't, they wouldn't be cliches. Just when you've found the perfect, meaningful phrase that sums up everything in your heart, you find out that someone's already taken it, printed it on paperback novels, screamed it from billboards, whispered it in private - well, as private as actors are when they're huge on a movie screen. And you feel so cheated. Does everyone feel that way? Does that cheapen the feeling, or make it special, unify you with the world?

Oh world. Love you hate you. Love me hate me. Where does it leave me, us? I know what you want beautiful, I've got it. I would share it if I could, because it's gorgeous. It wants to be shared. It's truth and light and beauty, it's every colour of the rainbow and every sparkle in the world. See? Even in my dazed, sleepy state, it's still coursing through my veins. As it should. We're all sleepy and stupid, but one day we'll see it. I want you to see it too. I know you need it. We all do. It's inside you, it's obvious. Everyone knows.

Death, what is it? I'm not sad at funerals. Odd, I know. Psychopath, me. Or not. Well? What say you? Passing into another room, through a doorway. Into light. Never dark. You know you belong in the light. Perfect, sweetie. Smile for me. Purple tastes good. Purple looks pretty on you. On who? How should I know? It all leads back to this. Don't be afraid. I'm curious. Born that way. I know where it ends, I know who it ends, and who at. The cat? No.

Purple and cats - back to you. Although I'm not sure who 'you' are. Her or him, or maybe him, or it. Is it important. Dunno, rhetoric, not. Ten to two, bed yet? Hug my teddy, dream of hugs and cupcakes and rainbows. Purple is my favourite colour. I know now. It tastes good, it looks good. Purple is the colour of inspiration, of everything. Don't ask me why. Ask yourself.

Now who left the lid off? Someone could get hurt. Don't get hurt. I wish I could hurt in your place. It's green - you again. Dude, you're haunting me, as is your confidante. Or am I paranoid? No. Extrovert, introvert? I don't think I know. Keep your heart safe, you only have one. Write my name on it. There are lots of names on mine. How did they get there? Well, I cut them. With a knife. It had a red handle. Well, of course it hurt. Love, pain - same thing. Blood everywhere - sorry, I'll clean it up. No, don't waste yours, it's precious. I mean, it's been in my heart. Wow. Staggering thought. Have some of my heart? Allow me to pour you some. It's red - so is your face. Sorry. But I just had to do that. It was torturing me.

Am I scaring you? I'm really sorry. I'm not a scary person. Really. Oh fine, I admit it. Give me your heart, I'll look after it. I won't break it. I know it's made of glass. No, it's not black. Your eyeliner's running. Don't cry - well, if you must, here's my shoulder. Thank you. Salt tastes good. Just turn on the light inside, and look at that! A pretty rainbow! Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? Although I might hurt your body, I won't hurt your heart. If I do, you have permission to - hmmm, what? Break mine? Too late. Don't give me that look. Forgive the melodrama.

Now, what the heck do I mean? WHAT?! No, I will NEVER do that to you. Rest assured! Everything's grey these days, especially right and wrong. What happened to monochrome? Oh, you think you're rainbow. Well, you're not what you're afraid of. It's too early to tell. Enjoy life. Stick to purple. But isn't that the same thing? NO. Like I said, ignore the cliche. Pretend no one ever annexed it.

Now sleep. And dream of peace.

You may well ask me, why did I just buy a holographic cupcake folder, a butterfly sharpener and a foam ruler with the alphabet on it? (Actually, Mum bought them.) It's all in accordance with my plan for VCE...

THE PLAN...

As you undoubtedly know, VCE is a time of stress, stress and more stress. The pressure's on to be organised, polite, nice to our peers, respectful to our teachers, involved in lots of co-curricular activities, punctual, neat and tidy, and all those desirable qualities that are recited before we find out who the valedictorian is.

Well, one would think you would try to be professional in order to get all this done. But not me! The idea is to steer clear of all those leather-bound planners, folders in black and white or minimalist styles, and anything else that might possibly appeal to high-flying executives, and stick with all the adorable stuff being marketed at cute little preps. Because perhaps if I buy everything as cute and adorable as possible, I might be able to delude myself into thinking that I'm in prep again, and my biggest worry is what colour crayon to use...

Will you pull me out of the ditches of Spain?

Anytime. Better still, I'll make sure you avoid becoming so inebriated that you fall in in the first place! What do you mean, I can't stop you? Oh yes I can...just wait and see!

Only please try to stay alive until then. I mean it. Please don't die, or else I'll die too.

Ho hum, a survey.

Do you...

Own over 10 bottles of nail polish [x]
Own perfume that cost over $60 [ ]
Have/had fake nails [ ]
Have more hair products than you can use [ ]
Have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp [ ]
Have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper [ ]

Total so far: 1

Do you...

Have/had a hair color/highlights that is not your natural color [ ]
Have blonde moments at least once a day [ ]
Constantly keep your phone at your side [x]
Dance around in your room when nobody else is home [ ]
Refuse to go out in public without makeup [ ]

Total so far: 2

Do you adore...

Makeup [ ]
Glitter [ ]
The colour pink [x]
Shopping [x]
Jewellery [ ]
Mirrors [ ]
Chick flicks [ ]
Shoes [ ]
Rainbows [x]
Unicorns [x]
Disney movies [x]
Candles [ ]
Flowers [x]
Stuffed animals [x]
Purses [ ]
Cowboy boots [ ]
Boots [ ]
Starbucks [ ]

Total: 9

Do you say...

Whatever [x]
Oh my gosh/goodness/god [x]
Hun/honey/honeybun[ ]
Thats hot [ ]
Dunno [x]
Darling [ ]
Psh [ ]
Cutie [ ]
Hottie [ ]
Totally [x]
Fer Shur [ ]
Fabulous [ ]
Hell/heck ya [ ]
Like [x]
Duh [ ]

Total so far: 14

Do you read...

Cosmopolitan/Cosmo Girl [ ]
Cleo [ ]
Marie Claire [ ]
Elle [ ]
Vogue [ ]
Dolly [ ]
Girlfriend [ ]
Teen Vogue [ ]
Famous [ ]
New Idea [ ]
NW [ ]
Madison [ ]
YM [ ]
Perez Hilton [ ]

Total so far: 14

Have you seen...

Legally Blonde [ ]
Elizabethtown [ ]
Mean Girls [ ]
Now & Then [ ]
The Notebook [ ]
A Walk To Remember [ ]
Sweet Home Alabama [ ]
Where The Heart Is [ ]
Just My Luck [ ]
John Tucker Must Die [ ]
Centerstage [ ]
Bring it On [ ]
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days [ ]
Mona Lisa Smile [ ]

Total so far: 14

Are you/ have you been addicted to:

LOST [ ]
America's Next Top Model [ ]
Project Runway [ ]
Desperate Housewives [ ]
The Simple Life [ ]
The Next Pussycat Doll [ ]
8th & Ocean [ ]
Grey's Anatomy [ ]
The O.C. [ ]
Laguna Beach/The Hills [ ]
Nip/Tuck [ ]
Gilmore Girls [ ]
Veronica Mars [ ]
One Tree Hill [ ]
American Idol [ ]

Total so far: 14

Add and then multiply your results by 2!

Only 28%? Strange...

And why weren't Kerrang! or Blunt in that magazine list?!

Note to self - do NOT search 'Jesus' or anything religious on deviantART. It will only make you angry and upset.

Question - why are there people on deviantART whose signatures are full of quotes like 'love everybody' and 'seek knowledge' and other such lofty ideals, but their comments are the exact opposite? Eg: 'OMG cristians are so dumb' and 'catholics should go jump' etc.

Ironic. Comment: 'OMG I hate catholics they are idiots they should b banned dey should all die!!! Practis wat u preech!' Signature of aforementioned commentor: 'When we suppress the freedom of others, we lose the right to our own freedom.' Yeah. Practise what you preach.

What does inspiration taste like?

Hmmm...I'm not sure.

But I know it smells like a thunderstorm, rolling in over the horizon at the end of a hot summer day. I sit on the balcony and breathe it deep into my nostrils, feeling the coolness in the air, waiting for the wet drops to fall. And when they do, my heart rejoices, because with the rain's help the flowers can grow. It is the same inside your soul - when the rain falls, fresh ideas can blossom and new perspectives appear. Each of us yearns to see the truth, but it is like a jewel, with parts of it still in darkness. We need someone to rid us of the shadows, to throw light on sparkling facets previously unseen. Because when at last every side is illuminated, a light will spring up in its heart, and we will behold it and at be last truly content.

Well then, what does it look like?

That's rather a hard question. But I know what colour it is - purple. Gorgeous, shimmering swirls of purple, with beautiful silver sparkles. The sparkles are almost tangible, floating in its wake as it dances through your mind. Don't try to snatch the sparkles - it won't work. Just let them sink softly into your subconscious, let them work their magic there. Let them rise softly to the surface, and they will quietly permeate everything you do.

Where is it?

It could be anywhere. But I know when you can find it, sometimes - at night. It's there, a graceful purple ribbon, dancing and swirling among the stars. There's a lot of room up there in space, room to grow and learn. Whenever it becomes weary of the world, that tires it and drags it down and robs it of its sparkle, it flies far away, away to the stars, to whisper secrets with them and uncover the mysteries of the universe. And if by chance it looks down to earth and sees a small, bright-eyed soul, waiting to be enlightened, it might smile and return there.

But what should I do if it does?

Why, share it. Don't keep it for yourself - it pines on its own. But show it to others, let if flow through you, influencing all your actions, all your words. If you are lucky enough to witness its alluring sparkle, don't consider yourself superior, but instead know that you are entrusted with a great task. You are one of those who must bring it to everyone around you. Don't try to bend it to your will, for it will lose its magic, but instead let its will shape yours. And if, through you, just one more wide-eyed person can come to know it, then you will not have lived in vain.

YAY! SOUNDWAVE SOUNDWAVE SOUNDWAVE!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Ahem, yes. This is because yesterday I bought Blunt (well, actually, Mum did) and it was the Soundwave special! AND it came with a free CD! Meaning I have been listening to it all day long (much to the exasperation of the parentals) while lying slumped in the rocking chair with Blunt on my head. Well, that was until Mum grew tired of the 'bloodcurdling screams' and 'barbaric din' and turned it off.

Speaking of Soundwave, it's just a leetle disturbing reading those band interviews. When asked what their top five backstage rider items would be, why is it exactly that just about all of them plan on bringing large amounts of alcohol?! I don't wanna pay just to see a bunch of drunk dudes staggering round the stage!!! If I want crazy drunk dudes, I'll head over to King Street at 2 am. (Note to self - keep all rock magazines well away from parents! Or else they might change their minds about Soundwave... *shudder*)

This is terrible. Only two posts for January?! Quick, quick, must remedy this terrible state of affairs! Gaaah...this is what happens when your computer starts malfunctioning...

Speaking of malfunctioning, all the technology within my vicinity has been doing exactly that. The mobile has random periods where it won't receive or make calls and won't send anything - and NO ONE KNOWS WHY!!! It's charged, it has credit, but it JUST DOESN'T WORK! The home phone is being stupid too - it's been charging for a WEEK while we were away, and it starts beeping at me after just twenty minutes! No, less. And then it goes dead :@ My watch has stopped, the computer is super slow and the CD player keeps skipping!

Oh and btw, wouldn't it be nice to have a pet kiwi? Or maybe a topknot pigeon. Or a quail. Or a chicken? (Don't mind me, I just have this insane thing with birds. So cuuuuute!!!)

OMG. OMG. OMG.

I AM GOING TO SOUNDWAVE!!!

I can't BELIEVE it. My parents relented. I am SO happy.

Oh wow. I just feel so...thankful. Wow.

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!

GAAAAAAAH! Damn you Killers! Why do you have to be so addictive?! Watch out Niamh, because the evil sibling currently has a vendetta against you...she considers you to blame for the fact that she is now inflicted with The Killers all day, every day, thanks to the fact that my friends' obsessions never fail to rub off on me...

And to all those people slamming Day And Age, will you PLEASE stop moaning about the fact that it's not a carbon copy of Hot Fuss or Sam's Town or whichever your favourite album is?! They don't HAVE to stay the same forever! Quit wailing that they've gone 'commercial' - if they only made music to please picky fans like you, and stuck to the same old sound instead of experimenting and playing what had meaning for them, wouldn't that be real commercialism???

Several things.

OMG. MY INTERNET IS WORKING!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!!

Niamh is SPARKLY. Very sparkly. The only sparkly. It's such a good word. Maybe 791 is sparkly too, but I will reserve judgement until I actually meet him - which will probably never happen, at this rate...

Stupid Twilight. I like the book, but I REFUSE to see the stupid movie!!! (And anyway, what with everyone spazzing about it, I'll know every painful detail without ever having to see it at all...)

Niamh is right. The Killers are AWESOME.

Certain people need to lighten up.The world isn't all doom and gloom! Wake up and watch some cute K-pop vids!

This. Is. Ridiculous.

WHY would you download 5 GIGS of stuff on the SCHOOL SYSTEM?! Seeing as its normal daily quota is, like, 2.5 gigs in a day or something. GAAAAAAAAH! We spent almost a WHOLE PERIOD just waiting for the computers to load!

Funny if it was a teacher downloading something...something they weren't supposed to...

SOUNDWAVE!!! WOOT! I CAN’T WAIT!!! If I’m even allowed to go, that is. But I HAVE TO! Just LOOK at the lineup!

Nine Inch Nails

Alice In Chains

Bloodhound Gang

Scars On Broadway

Lamb Of God

Alkaline Trio

Billy Talent

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Face To Face

In Flames

Rival Schools

Anberlin

The Subways

Every Time I Die

Devildriver

Funeral For A Friend

Less Than Jake

Poison The Well

Madina Lake

New Found Glory

From First To Last

Bedouin Soundclash

Hellogoodbye

Finch

Goldfinger

Say Anything

Chiodos

Silverstein

Saves The Day

Lacuna Coil

36 Crazyfists

Straylight Run

Evergreen Terrace

Minus The Bear

Moneen

Ace Enders (The Early November)

I Am The Avalanche

Jaguar Love

Unearth

Bayside

Emery

Houston Calls

The Audition

Attack In Black

Innerpartysystem

Valencia

In This Moment

The Riverboat Gamblers

Alesana

Horse The Band

Maylene & The Sons Of Disaster

See?! ALL THAT for only $130!!! Well, it IS on a school day, but who cares? I don’t know why Mum and Dad are being so unreasonable – they never cared before if I missed school for something important!!! And this is EXTREMELY important!!!!!

My extended list of reasons is currently in progress…I will post it at some point…

Hmmm...where to begin? Seeing as my internet is STILL stuffed, blogging opportunities are few and far between...

NO MORE EXAMS!!!!!!

Yes, Niamh, I agree. Categorising music into genres is hard. Someone asks what kind of music you like. You tell them you like rock. But what kind of rock? Indie rock? Alternative rock? Punk rock? Soft rock? Hard rock? Acid rock?

Or when I decided that k-pop is too broad, and decide to give all my Korean songs a secondary category as well. But after spending ten minutes trying to decide whether a song fitted into R&B, hip hop, pop, rap, or rock (it somehow seemed to fit all of those descriptions) I gave up in despair and decided that maybe k-pop is an actual genre.

Did I mention that I am on a search for the most extreme death metal there is? Currently, none of the stuff in my music library really fits into that category. But it will, seeing as I am currently at the library checking out all those bands Niamh told me about…

Oh and btw, however laudable Triple M’s intentions may be – all that stuff about playing chick music and not having the station dominated by dudes – if all you have is Katy Perry and Pink, be as chauvinistic as you like!

Gaaah I can't stand Pink.

Why is EVERYTHING we do at school so damn politically correct?

I HATE IT!!!!!!!

Gaaaah. NO, blogspot, I do NOT want everything I type translated into Hindi! Why are you doing this to me?!

Well, here I am, back to bother you after approximately a month of postlessness. As you have undoubtedly realised, my internet is no closer to being fixed than it was at the time of my last post. Oh dear...

Well, I TRIED going to Clayton library yesterday to do stuff, but first the computer wouldn't let me on, and THEN it was so slow I just gave up and went home... I borrowed some books though ^_^

And WHY is it that all the books in the manga section are always volume 13 or 57 or whatever? Never number 1...and I'm not partial to starting stories in the middle. Genevieve gave in, however, and started with volume 8 of Ceres... I wanna read that. Yuu Watase is a cool author. Yay Alice 19th! Except this stuff gets annoying when the evil sibling starts saddling innocent guinea pigs with names from obscure mangas that no one but her has ever heard of and whose names she even pronounce...

And currently, I am faced with the unpleasant fact that I haven't handed in about five assignments. What's truly miraculous is that no one's noticed. I REALLY hope the teachers don't start comparing notes...me 'forgetting to print' FIVE assignments is just WAAAAAY too coincidental, even for a teacher...

You know what hurts more than anything? It’s worse than seeing someone hurt. It’s worse than not being able to help. It’s not being able to help because they won’t admit there’s a problem. If you try to say something, they’ll deny it. Maybe they hate the idea of not being totally self-sufficient – they see sharing their feelings as weakness. Maybe they don’t want to worry others. Maybe they’re afraid of judgement. Maybe they can’t even see that there’s something wrong.

And when they reject you, you start worrying. Was I rude or inconsiderate to ask? I have plenty of flaws too – am I really worthy of someone’s trust? Why should I be the one they confide in? Am I really concerned for their wellbeing, or is it just my selfish curiosity?

But then I watch them getting worse and worse, and my inability to help kills me. Because there’s so much I want to say.

I want to tell them how special they are, no matter how worthless they feel. I want to tell them that I love them, that I would die for them, that they are beautiful and gorgeous and unbelievably amazing.

I wish they knew how much I want to help – that they’re not being a nuisance when they tell me their problems, that I want to hear them and I feel honoured that they trust me.

I want them to know that I’m there for them – that if they need someone to talk to, I’ll listen. If they need someone to listen to them at 2 am, I won’t mind. That homework and everything else comes second.

I wish they understood that I won’t judge them – no matter how horrible they feel, no matter how bad what they’ve done is, I won’t push them away.

I want to explain that the reason I’m asking isn’t just brainless curiosity – it’s that I care.

But I can’t say all this without implying that I’m the strong, trustworthy, responsible one, and that they’re pathetic and insecure and can’t do anything on their own. And that just screws everything up. But if I don’t say something, it looks like I don’t care.

I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. So what happens now?

Current things that are annoying me about manga…

My sister will not stop spazzing about mangas that she hasn’t read and can’t even pronounce the names of. HELLO!!!!!! It’s ShuGO Chara, not ShuJA Chara! Get it right!!!

I’ve got used to the front cover being at the back and vice versa, but how am I supposed to know which way round Japanese names go?! Sometimes they put the surname first, which I can get used to. But THEN they have to go and put the surname at the end, just to look more Western! GAAAAH! You keep the front cover at the back, can’t you keep the surname at the front as well?

And mangas have an extremely annoying tendency to go yaoi or yuri on me. GAAAAAAH!!!! Can’t girls and guys just be friends with the same sex without having to get with them?! Can’t people in mangas lead interesting lives without feeling the need to make out with their best friends?!?!?! x_x

The way all the authors can draw way better than me. Every time I read manga I’m inspired to draw something…until I attempt to and realize my woeful inadequacy at it L

But never mind all that =]

HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Radioactive cheesecake ironing board! YAY!!!!!!!

Heechul the potato is really amazing at the Wonder Girls dance.

And Niamh shouldn't drink too much pink stuff. Remember 'Across The Universe'! You may just end up on crazy hippy bus, dancing along with Bono singing the walrus song, before you arrive in a field containing a tent in which one can view a disproportionate and highly improbably circus which is largely a figment of your overstimulated imagination...

Which wouldn't really be that bad, actually...

Greetings everybubble. I haven't posted in a while because the internet at home CRASHED AND NOW I'M CUT OFF FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD! GAAAAAAAAH!

So, I've got four assignments due next week. Have I started any of them? Barely. Here I am at Oakleigh library, ostentatiously 'researching' while MySpacing, LiveJournaling, blogging, and doing who knows what else.

Has anyone else noticed that whenever you post a comment on MySpace, then click 'edit' to go back and change it, it changes all the apostrophes into stupid blocks of numbers? GAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!! And you have to go through and fix it all :S

Anyone listened to Pendulum lately? They're Perth ex-pats living in the UK, and I love them. As Kerrang! says, they're one of the few bands to mix breakbeat with rock and not fail miserably. The article about them in Kerrang! is SO FUNNY - I nearly died laughing...

Go and listen to their cover/remix of Violet Hill - it rocks.

Teehee. I love lacrosse. Today definitely ranks as one of the best PE lessons EVER. A word of warning though - don't go near Niamh when she's suffering from lacrosse rage! You risk decapitation...or worse! Being subjected to Niamh and Louise's disturbing ideas of what lacrosse sticks are REALLY for...

Niamh: *psycho growling noise* *waves lacrosse stick viciously*
Me: Woah Niamh, you sound like the dude from I Killed The Prom Queen!
Niamh: Well, no wonder, I listen to them all the time!
Nhi: Woah, Niamh's the singer in a heavy metal band!
Joanna: No, not just heavy metal, DEATH METAL!!!
Niamh: *repeats Lee Stacy imitation*

There was also the minor complication of Nhi losing one of her contact lenses...

Janet: Ms Bear, seeing as everyone in our group is visually deficient, shouldn't we get special attention?
Ms Bear: I think you should be fine!

Nooooooo! Our desperate cry for help has gone unheard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol ^_^

Teehee. They didn't block blogspot!

I'm suffering from a slight mental imbalance at the moment...it's RE induced. Instead of being annoyed with the RE department, I go psycholy happy.

^_^

I'm currently going through a gothic revival period. Teehee. Much to the dissatisfaction of my parents and the rest of the adult population...

All the old people at the supermarket don't look at me happily anymore - they glare at me instead. People don't just see me, they regard me with suspicion. And my primary school teachers see me once, keep walking, then turn around to look again, squinting doubtfully in order to ascertain whether it's me or not...

Come ON, people! Haven't you ever seen anyone wearing black before?! None of my clothes (except maybe the spiky bracelet) would turn any heads on their own - why do I suddenly become a freak show exhibit when I combine them?!?!?!?! And now everyone's getting all these stupid ideas...

Aunty Clare: "But what image of yourself are you trying to project?"
Meaning: "Which silly teen stereotype are you trying to conform to, and how long will it be before you stop trying to rebel and can be persuaded to dress normally?" Whatever 'normal' is. Obviously, if I feel like dressing a little differently after sixteen years of sameness, I must be trying to rebel and break the rules.

Dad: "I was under the impression that you were only wearing that bracelet for one party!"
Meaning: "Obviously you wouldn't want to wear that simply because you like it - there must be an ulterior motive!" Of course, I must be planning to murder someone or join a gang - simply liking studded bracelets isn't a possibility!

Random mum with two kids: "What an ugly child!"
Meaning: "There's a teenager wearing all black - obviously that means she's a delinquent dropout, hellbent on destroying society!" How? By means of too much rock music? Weapons of mass destruction disguised as eyeliner pencils?

That was quite funny, actually - I gave her an emo stare from under my hat, and she looked away hurriedly and hustled her kids off somewhere. Teehee ^_^

Who knew that buying one studded bracelet could lead to all this???

OMG OMG OMG I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY REALLY REALLY EXCITED NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I spent all day in the city today - SO MANY PILGRIMS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! I saw pilgrims from Venezuela, Guatemala, Chile, Puerto Rico, Spain, Germany, France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Lithuania, Norway, Belgium, Poland, Switzerland, Greece, Sweden, Jamaica, South Africa, Zambia, Kenya, Ethiopia, Korea, Singapore, China, Vietnam, Canada, Reunion, the USA and HEAPS more! And there were the Tasmania pilgrims too XD

Of course there are a few jerks who tell everyone to 'go home' - ironically, they always seem to say it to Australian pilgrims. I wish they would go home, that way everyone else could have fun without them. It's funny, though, on the trams and trains, when some cynic starts ordering everyone to be quiet and stop singing, and all they get is cheers and more singing from pilgrims who don't speak English. I'm so sorry for the poor atheists...

The mass at the Telstra Dome was SO COOL!!!!!!!!!! So many people, so many flags! Several trends one tends to notice...

• South American pilgrims never seem to stop singing.
• Korean pilgrims are very into hugging and shaking hands.
• African pilgrims are always enthusiastic.
• Spanish pilgrims give everyone free stuff.
• Lithuanian pilgrims have very big flags - and I mean BIG.
• Australian pilgrims don't have their own songs - they steal everyone else's.
• US pilgrims are disarmingly friendly and nice.

Why can't mass always be this fun??? Because this was the best one I've ever been to. How pretty were those patterns of light on the ground and the ceiling? And so many bishops, so many cardinals...like WOW O_o The Mexican wave lasted FOREVER - no one tried to stop it! No one trying to be responsible, for a change.

Just before mass started it was SO LOUD - Eddie McGuire yelling, "Let's hear it from our friends from GERMANY! Our friends from SPAIN! Our friends from SOUTH AFRICA! Our friends from CHINA!" etc, meaning everyone attempting to outcheer each other - PSYCHO. I saw some responsible-wannabes exchanging worried looks - but the second the Archbishop started talking, there was instant quiet. It was SO COOL - I was in the front row of the second level, and there was so much energy you could feel the ground moving.

The Lithuanians had the biggest flag EVER - it was about a row long and five rows wide, with heaps and heaps of people under it. They were right behind us, so we got to be under it too ^_^ The South Africans were very visible in bright orange jackets, and even more visible because of their enthusiasm - our group's standing there clapping tentatively, and we look sideways and see a patch of bright orange, crazily dancing people - Harriet expressed a wish to go and join them...

The Chileans were CRAZY! And the Puerto Ricans were even crazier! Our American billets are of the opinion that they haven't stopped singing since they got off the plane - which is probably true. And the Germans are crazy as well - mention soccer and they explode into cheers. Same with Spain...and Eddie McGuire wasn't helping by talking loudly about Collingwood, causing mixed cheering and booing from the Melbourne contingent, and uninhibited cheers from everyone else, who didn't have any idea what he was talking about and didn't care either ^_^

Southern Cross Station was stuffed - it was almost as bad as New Year! The only reason it wasn't was that everyone was so HAPPY - I'd be scared if it was footy crowds or New Year, but no one gets angry at the long delays - all they do is sing louder, and wave their flags even more enthusiastically! I really need to brush up on my international flags - I had no idea what half of them were :S

Anyway, that's what DID08 has been like so far - and WYD will be ten times bigger! So, atheists and cynics, be as rational and reasonable as you like, because I'm gonna have a totally awesome time being naive and irrational and misguided and brainwashed and whatever else - and I'll love every second of it!

Gaaaaaah...why does Fate conspire against me? So many cool bands that I want to go see...and I'm certain I'll never see any of them!

1. Parents are highly irrational creatures. The slightest mention of noise or lateness, and they're certain my brain has been corrupted and that wicked denizens of the night are attempting to lure me to my doom...
2. These irrational creatures also have strange ideas about money. They're ready to lay out exorbitant sums for things that they think are 'profitable' (oh, I hate that word), but if I dare ask them to help me pay for something that actually sounds fun...no chance.
3. WHY ARE ALL THE VENUES 18+ ONLY?!?!?!
4. AND...what did I do to be confined to this Kpop-forsaken country? There's absolutely NO chance of SuperJunior, DBSK, Big Bang, Fahrenheit or EPIK HIGH (TABLO! *fangirly sigh*) EVER coming here!!!!!!!!!!

OMG. My blog has 740 HITS?!?!?! Last time I checked it had less than two hundred! OMG! People actually read my blog! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!! DID08 starts on Monday, and I'm gonna be SO BUSY! AAAAARGH!

So many people to ring, emails to send, things to buy, stuff to pack, timetables to finalise, details to arrange...GYAAAAAAH my head's gonna explode! SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well...WYD is so exciting it's hard to be pessimistic ^_^

YAY! REJOICE! JUST ONE WEEK TO GO!

Well, Dad, I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy that the only reason I'm not dead is that I promised to to hurt myself. Because you're doing a very good job of making me want to try anything just to escape. Because my window happens to be a long way from the ground, and the knife under my pillow has recently been sharpened...and if I can't use it on myself, there are always other people...

Please, God, let me die. Please. Because I can't stand living like this. And if the way my dad talks is anything to go by, I don't think I deserve to live at all.

Shut up. Shut up. I don't care if my room's a mess. JUST SHUT THE BLOODY FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

Perfect. Such an apt description of some people I know. Joanna, Jacqui, Niamh and KK, I'm looking at you. And that's just to name a few.

And yet so heartbreakingly screwed. Meaning humanity in general. We all have our phobias and obsessions and hangups, that, no matter how hard we try, we just can't overcome.

Sometimes I don't get why people take drugs, when just living seems like such a rollercoaster. Are people really equipped to deal with the emotion that comes their way? Do we ignore others' joy and sadness and tune out as a safety mechanism, because we wouldn't survive if we could feel all that they did, on top of what we do already? Is it just callousness, or common sense? Is all this craziness we go through a blessing or a curse?

Is there really a way of expressing how we feel? Are words and actions enough? Music and art? Because sometimes even they fall short. How does the world contain so much emotion? Is there anyone who really understands? Because every poem ever written, every love song ever sung, every tear ever shed, every smile and laugh, all expressed a feeling. Joy, relief, agony, grief, anger, jealousy, rage, love.

This thing we call emotion, it can do strange things to us. It's deceptive, the ease with which it can change us. We're just pawns...joy can so easily slip into sadness, love and hate are dangerously close. These things that we view as opposites are, in fact, paradoxically similar. What makes us choose one over the other? Do we have the capacity for both? Are we predestined for one, or do we choose for ourselves?

Life is a strange thing. Terrible and wonderful.

I am soooo proud of myself. I liked The Presets before they became popular! I found out about them when I heard 'Girl and the Sea' on someone's MySpace, and instantly fell in love with it, but I kind of forgot about them for a while. Then one day I'm like, hey, that song was pretty awesome. Why not go and listen to it?

So I took myself off to their MySpace, but before I could click on the song I wanted, 'My People' started playing. And I'm like OMG! This is even more awesome than the first one! So I listened to it incessantly, despite the anger of various siblings, who declared that they hated it. However, when it started to make itself heard on the airwaves a few months later, they mysteriously decided they liked it...

And even more awesome is 'This Boy's In Love'. I heart the lyrics.

My obsession with Tablo is increasing to an unhealthy extent. Oh dear...

So...Niamh is in Malaysia. Hehe...now that she is safely out of the way, we can start some real We Love Niamh Day planning! Heheh...Niamh, you can't hide from it forever! Even if, as you suggested, Australia is overtaken by an epidemic of public holidays, I still know where you live...and even if you pretend to be sick, I'll climb in your window! Accompanied by my entourage of balloon-bearing acolytes ^_^

Careers Night was fun ^_^

• I saw KK, Joanna, Niamh and lots of other people.
• Gen's buddy Evelyn was there to talk about hospitality!
• I saw Sam talking about something as well!
• We have discovered Niamh's true calling! IT! Seriously, though, it sounds awesome.
• The tables with lollies on them are the most popular.
• The IT dude talks A LOT. So does the Science dude.
• I have a bagful of brochures for Janet...MILLIONS of them! Poor Janet couldn't come :(
• School tomorrow! Even though we're supposed to be working again, it still retains that bludgy atmosphere...
• JACQUI'S BIRTHDAY ON FRIDAY!

Does ANYONE know what Gerard Way's religion is? Certain people are calling me obsessive (which I am) but I NEED to know!

So far, various websites have told me he is a

• Taoist
• Mennonite
• Scientologist (Tom Cruise - urrgh!)
• Christian
• Catholic
• Atheist

Will someone PLEASE give me a DEFINITIVE answer? Even just an interview or something where he mentions religion??? PLEASE!

Oh and btw, does anyone know what Jaejoong's religion is? I know Xiah and Yunho are Christian, Max is Buddhist and Micky is atheist, but as far as Hero is concerned, some sites say he's atheist, some say Christian, and some say he turned Christian for DBSK. How does that work? I mean, he seems to wear crosses all the time...but a lot of non-religious people do that, for reasons unknown to me...

This is so strange. I feel like I'm reaching for something, but I can't find it and I don't know what it is. I'm looking through my song list, but I can't find a single song I feel like listening to. I'm trying to comment people, but I can't think of a single thing to say. I can't find a reason to be sad, but I can't find one to be happy either...

I want to run, but I can't because I'll trip on all the junk around me. I want to sing, but I just go out of tune. I want to write, but the words elude me. I want to dance, but I don't know how. I want to talk, but there's no one to listen. I want to pray, but there's something stopping me.

I want to express my emotion somehow, but the invisible forcefield around me just makes it all bounce back. So I'm sitting in a mess of broken feelings and confused emotions, and I don't know what I feel. See how disjointed the sentences are? I can't write properly these days...I can never think of the right words.

See? I can't even think of something to say next. I'm just blindly writing, punching the keyboard...everything feels unreal, and yet more real than it should. What's wrong with me? I had to actually think just then, simply to remember my own name! My head's empty, and I don't know where the words are coming from, or if I'm spelling them right.

blank why don't kkknnnnnrtsiiiinnnnrinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnrllllllfnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnsritnnnngggggggggg

I have no idea where that came from. Someone talk to me, before I go insane. Well, more insane than it is already. I think my brain's shutting down...I can't remember anything...not even

I. Love. Epik. High. Especially Tablo. Lol at Shinny: "I'm an instant Tablo fan - just add water!"

Nyawwwww ^_^ Isn't he cute? But for some reaon his name always reminds me of Toblerone :S

Everyone says Tablo's a genius and his IQ is really high, but I can't find a definitive figure anywhere - from various websites, anything between 125 and 180. But I'll go with 180 ^_^ I mean, he must be pretty smart - his English is awesome! Just listen to one of Epik High's songs for proof - you can actually understand what they're saying! And it actually makes sense! More than you can say for DBSK and Suju...

I'm on a DBSK craze at the moment. Blame Joanna! She wouldn't stop singing 'Love In The Ice' on Friday - I must admit it's an awesome song though - and it's been stuck in my head ever since! It's adddictive. However, now I can sing it too - well, the chorus anyway.

ISN'T THIS CUTE?!?!


Yes, it is! Don't deny it! Nyawww! *melts*

So I went outside to hang out the washing, and I looked up at the sky, and I swear the moon was smiling at me. So I forgot about the washing, and I went to lie on the trampoline and watch the stars. Oh, by the way, that's my favourite song by Silver Reasons. You should check it out.

So there I was, gazing up into the heavens, and watching the moon drift in and out of sight, sometimes shining on its own, sometimes surrounded by a rainbow halo through a veil of cloud, and sometimes completely hidden. The clouds continue their eternal dance, majestic and slow and stately, nonchalant and graceful, unmindful of the frantically scurrying mortals below. I think clouds' thoughts move very slowly - they accept whatever comes their way, endlessly blown by the winds, forever changing shape.

They look down at the earth on their travels. and they wonder why humans so frantically build their tiny structures, and panic so much when things don't go according to plan. The clouds just can't understand why people fuss over tiny things like the bus being two minutes late - what's two minutes in the life of a cloud? Endlessly moving, changing shape, condensing, falling to the earth, evaporating again. But do they worry? Of course not. They're never destroyed, only changed.

So I watched the clouds. What colour are clouds at night? If you don't look properly, you think they're grey. But they're not - they're really blue and silver and pink and gold - but the tones are so muted you can hardly distinguish them. And as I watched, I began to see pictures...

A misty, cloaked figure on a dark horse galloped by, swiftly transforming into a bow and arrow, then into a swooping eagle. A laughing face peeped out as the eagle soared past, then morphed into invisibility a second later. A horse reared its head against the darkening sky, glancing at me with wild starry eyes, because, like the moon, it takes an interest in the humans who take a few fleeting moments out of their share of time, and spend them gazing upwards at the mystical, mysterious creatures that inhabit the endless expanse above.

And then...if that night had been a movie, this would have been the pivotal scene. The leaves of the gum trees were silent, the wind suddenly ceased, and my heart echoed loud in my ears, as a muffled sound like a drumbeat vibrated upon my consciousnesss. And the drums were drums of war, heralding blood and pain and destruction. The world dilated and shuddered, then resolved itself into something new and dark and horrible...The horse and the eagle melted into mist, and all I could distinguish in the blur of shifting cloud was a dark stain...

It spread across the sky like blood seeping through cloth. The darkness seemed to devour the faint glow of the clouds, and the ones that remained formed themselves into leering skulls and twisted masks of horror...I ran inside as fast as I could.

That was a few nights ago. I looked up at the sky again tonight...The moon wasn't smiling this time. It seems to be busy with its own lunar affairs, somewhere in another time and place, and is unaware in its haughty luminescence that someone is watching. It really is beautiful though. The sky looks like water, the clouds are chiffon floating on its surface, and the moon is an ersatz reflection...

If I think about this too hard, the world turns on its head and it becomes me looking down at the moon, instead of vice versa. And maybe it is - it's all about perspective. People say that looking up at the sky makes them feel small, but it makes me feel big. All the people who ever gazed at the moon become one with me...

Juliet, sighing after Romeo, and staring longingly at it, people fleeing beneath its pale light, fearing it will give them away, sailors on restless seas, watching, from high on the rigging, how it stains the water silver. Then time becomes relative, and things are subjective and uncertain and only real if you want them to be, and the only thing that matters is the endless procession of people, as different as can be, from every time and place, bound together in an unbroken circle by the light of the moon...

Yay! Unprecedented good luck has come my way! Well, there we were in homeroom on Friday, and the doorway was completely obstructed by the accelerated class, who were desperately awaiting their exams.

Just as I was packing my bag, I became aware of the fact that someone was calling me. Anxiously shoving my way to the door through frantic accelerated students, I wondered if this had anything to do with me and Niamh accidentally drawing on the board in permanent marker...but it didn't.

Remember that quiz we did for Anzac Day? Well, there was something in the newsletter simply AGES ago about me having got the highest score, and having won a Lush gift pack as a result, when I hadn't actually got anything at all. Well, for some strange reason, it had taken this long for us to get our prizes, and they had chosen this particular day to announce themselves. As a result, there is now a bath bomb and some flower-shaped soap residing on my bed. YAY!

Ok, I have calculated that approximately 35% of my blog posts are depressing ones. Not good. Must write something happy...um...um...um...later. When I think of something, I'll write it.

Well, this is disturbing. Janet said that when we were in year 7, she and Chloe came up to me because I was sitting alone, and they tried to be nice to me but I just got up and went away! And Jacqui said I did the same thing to her!

I don't even remember that! Why would a be such a bitch? There are probably lots of people I've hurt and don't remember...how could I forget? Yes, I was painfully shy in year 7, but I wouldn't have just rejected someone like that! Would I?

This is so depressing...there are probably heaps of people I've hurt and I can't remember. Why would I do that? I wasn't so shy I'd just run off when people talked to me or something...well to all the people I rejected, I'm sorry :'(

Finally, a reason for that annoying picture of Dale up there! Sorry Jacqui, but it is annoying. Yes, I know it's my blog and I decide what goes on my heading, but I can't be bothered changing it. Anyway, Dale looks happy surrounded by marshmallows ^_^

Well, I went to the footy with my youth group, most of whom are avid Collingwood supporters. We got there about an hour before it started...why do we always seem to do that? So we always have an hour to sit and freeze and watch sponsor ads. But I wasn't as bored as last time, because Jacqui had instructed me to yell lots of abuse at Melbourne and watch out for Dale, meaning I actually had a purpose this time.

So, yeah. Skip to halfway through the last quarter. Average game before that - lots of tackling and falling over, lots of cheering, lots of booing, Collingwood obviously going to win. I wasn't really concentrating on the game though - I was watching Dale. Pretty easy to identify, even without the numbers - no one else's hair flops around when they run.

Anyway, Dale didn't seem to be going so good - he kept going off all the time, and I heard a few people saying he wasn't playing as well as normal. It's like nooooooooo! Poor Dale! He did seem to spending rather a lot of time hanging around the sidelines...

So seeing as Jacqui would be disappointed if I told her that Dale didn't play very well, I'm like God! Help Dale! Pleeeeeeeeease! So I sat there like that for a while, thinking the same thing over and over again and anxiously watching Dale at the same time. And then...I suddenly realised Dale had the ball, and he was running towards the goals, dodging all the Demons, and just as someone leapt forward to tackle him, he kicked the ball sideways and YAY! Another goal for Collingwood!

Naturally, the Collingwood supporters went wild, and I was in the middle of bouncing and squeaking excitedly when I stopped mid-cheer. OMG! Did I help do that? Yes, I know you're rolling your eyes and saying it was a coincidence and thinking how superstitious I am. But I don't care! Thankyou God!

54 on freerice.com!

My sister is such an idiot. She always has to do everything exactly like everyone else in her class, because if she doesn't, people might think she's weird. Oh my gosh, how terrible! They might actually think she's not a clone with nothing but fluff and Hilary Duff in her head!

So she tried to peel off the bumper sticker on the car, on the grounds that her friend thought it was weird. It didn't work though - she just ripped it. Just because it's religious is no reason to go ripping it off! It's not her car. And it's a perfectly good sticker. And she's started swearing like a dripping tap, because if she didn't, well, her class might actually think she has a vocabulary and sufficient brain cells to string a sentence together without putting the f word in it! Oh, the horror!

Well, she's going to secondary school next year. I can't wait...maybe then it will finally penetrate her stupid head that being different isn't a crime.

YAY! 53 on freerice.com!

'Don't be sad' can be interpreted in very different ways. If it's coming from a friend, then I do my best to be positive, because I know they're saying it because they care. It makes me happy, because they don't just ignore me and it shows that they're looking out for me. But if it's coming from a parent...

Me: *walks into kitchen*

Dad: What's wrong?

Me: Nothing.

Dad: I don't see what I've done to deserve this animosity! *goes on long long long rant about how he's spent his afternoon driving me where I need to go and I should be grateful and I've got no right to feel like this etc*

Me: *silence* *attempts to go to my room*

Dad: Come back here this instant! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

Me: Nothing!

Dad: Well people obviously don't act like this when there's nothing wrong! This is affecting your behaviour within the family! We have a right to know what it is!

I hate the phrase 'the family'. I fucking hate it! Everyone's always acting like your family is your life, you love your family the most, etc. Well, not me. Because when my family tell me not to be sad, they either laugh when they're saying it because I think I'm just pretending, or they yell at me when they say it because they think it's 'unfair on the family' - that disgusting phrase again - or they say it disapprovingly because I have no right to be sad when there are people with no home or food. Is that meant to make me feel better?!

So I'm supposed to be ashamed of 'pretending' be sad, realise that I'm just a stupid teen who doesn't know anything because I hang around with 'bad influences' realise that I have no right to be sad because it might annoy somebody, and be a happy little Vegemite because people with food and houses aren't allowed to be depressed. Thanks ever so much, family, for that valuable life lesson. I'll just go and not cut myself now because one of the 'bad influences' made me promise not to. No thanks to you, family.

the_pardalote.livejournal.com

YAY! We've started getting our exams back! The teachers are being extremely prompt this time around - I've already got three marks back! One abysmal, one average, and one awesome ^_^ Which is nice.

Sooooo...in geography I got 57%. Lol - E+! But I'm just happy I didn't fail. In Maths, my overall mark was 71% - 46.5 out of 73 for short answer, and 24 out of 27 for multiple choice. Which is pretty good for me.

And now the best part - English! So, just as Ms Grace started handing out the exams, I had to go outside for my French oral. The poem was okay, but I kind of messed up the questions :/

So I came back inside, and there was my exam, sitting upside down on my desk. I picked it up, and OMG! 99%! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I realised everyone else was already congratulating me...how did they know my mark before I did?! So I asked Niamh. "Well, Ms Grace said someone in the class got 99%, and since it wasn't Nhi, it was obviously you!" I feel so smart!

But to all those people who seem to think I'm officially the second Einstein, please refer to the above paragraphs. Seriously, I don't get straight As in everything. People, please stop perpetrating these fallacies.

Ok, the psycho sisters have decided to ring the Hot 30 and see if they can un-vote for a song. American Boy, actually. They really don't like it.

YAY! I got up to 52 on freerice.com! I feel so smart...there are grownups on Newsvine who've only got up to 45...

Eight down, zero to go! YAY! No more exams! And by the looks of things, no more blog comments either. Come on faithful blog readers, where are you and your comments??? No comments since the 18th of May!!!

It was funny. There we were, me and Niamh and Janet, pretending to study for RE, when we decided that since glasses aren't actually made of glass, we should call them plastics instead. So, now we can call them plastics, polymers (yes Joanna, you're obsessed with that word), specs (thank you KK), ocular implements (that one's mine) - ANYTHING - except for glasses. Glasses are hereby drinking vessels only! So there I was in the RE exam, writing about the similarites between the Passover and the Eucharist, when I remembered the 'plastics' thing. Then I looked down at my exam and realised I had written that unleavened bread symbolises plastics! Gaaaaaaaah! Lucky I picked that up...

Six down, two to go!

I am annoyed. WHY couldn't they tell us when we had ten minutes left, or even five, instead of telling us when we had TWO??? And as a result, I didn't finish my French exam - the only one I'm ever likely to get an A+ on. Now I'll just get a B+ or something. NOT FAIR!

Marilyn Manson is disturbing. Ok, Tainted Love and The Beautiful People are cool songs. Well, Tainted Love is anyway. The clip, however, is gross. Lots of strippers and whatnot. But the clip for The Beautiful People - don't get me started! The song on its own is bad enough - Jacqui says it makes her shiver just to hear it - but the clip - OMG. It DISTURBS me. It really does. Yikes.

And to make matters worse, I had both songs on an endless loop in my head while I was trying to write my exam! Will someone kindly inform me, WHAT is the connection between Marilyn Manson and trying to work out the formula for kilowatt hours??? I didn't remember it, either. And then I heard some random dude at the bus stop talking about watts...O_o. They're HAUNTING ME!

Four down, four to go! Dad says I'm not taking exams seriously enough. Probably not. The fact that I'm blogging and MySpacing instead of studying should be ample proof. But since all my sheets and books have gone missing, I can't really study anyway...

My little brother is being INFURIATINGLY annoying. I deleted everyone's music (I stil have all of it though, safe and sound) and said that it must STAY in the Shared Documents folder, because if people have everything copied a million times into separate folders, there simply ISN'T ENOUGH SPACE ON THE HARD DRIVE! Music videos are HEAVY on the megabytes, and our hard drive is only 19 gigabytes!

Joseph: "But Therese, I've already searched ALL of disk C! We don't NEED any of that stuff!"

Doesn't he get it? Obviously not. We got this computer from our grandparents' shop because they didn't need it anymore, and as a result it has a lot of junk on it, most of which I have deleted. But Joseph just doesn't UNDERSTAND the concept of system folders! If I delete the contents of WINDOWS and system32, the computer won't function. But then...this is coming from someone who thinks he's smart simply because he knows the name of the hard drive. Yes, it's called Local Disc C. Wow. Earthshattering, really.

He's just aggrieved, because as yet no one has worked out where I put all my stuff so that no one else will find it. It's quite obvious, really. Nothing amazing. I could probably think of something better if I put my mind to it. But, as the computer skills of the siblings remain remedial, I don't need to bother. Hehe...

I made muffins! YAY! Pink ones and jelly crystal ones and sprinkle ones and mathematical ones...yes Janet, mathematical ones! And the one with pi on it is specially for you...

I am currently very angry with people who think I would spill my soul and my secrets just to gain a few brownie points. It's not as easy as people think for me to do that. If I say I love someone, I mean it. But I'm always afraid of being rejected. That's what makes it hard. SO IF I SAY I LOVE SOMEONE, BELIEVE ME, DAMMIT!

So to CERTAIN PEOPLE, who think I'm just trying to interfere in what I don't understand, this is precisely why I find it hard to express my true feelings! AND, by the way, if you think what I wrote was a little extreme, I toned it down considerably. If I wrote what I REALLY thought, you'd probably think I was some freaky stalker and get an intervention order. Which would be embarrassing.

And if you don't like what I did, take it out on me. That's what made me hesitate for so long . . . I was afraid that if you didn't like what I had done, you would take out your annoyance on the person whose awesomeness I was trying to tell you about. Because I'm pretty sure you didn't already know what I told you. And although I don't think you believe me, you should. Because I meant every word I wrote.

Two down, six to go! So here I am, with just the first tiny bit of my cheat sheet done, and it's already half past nine. Combine this with my woeful inability at maths, and the fact that we also have geography tomorrow, and you have a recipe for stress. But am I stressed? No! And I should be. However, the fact that I'm blogging instead of studying clearly shows hows worried I am. Such complacency can't be good...

Clear To Pass - Antiskeptic. Go and listen to it - IT'S AWESOME. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17F-v2CYksc

YAY! I got up to 51 on freerice.com!

Attention people...

If you were listening to the Hot 30 just now, and you heard Labrat say, "I just got this really weird call...it sounded like *insert farting noise here*...I would like to tell this idiot to SHUT UP!" I must admit, that was my psycho sister. She then proceeded to ring again and vote for Paramore...except she said she couldn't remember what her name was.

People who think Helena is some silent, book-loving child, DON'T BE FOOLED! She's actually the stupidest, loudest, most idiotic drama queen you will ever come across! In a good-ish way...

OMG. Guess what happened. There I was at Target, critically scanning rows of clothes, and I turned around and THERE THEY WERE! Two racks of tops with WYD stuff emblazoned all over them! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! So now, I have acquired a grey T-shirt with the WYD message written on it, and a red hoodie with 'WYD 08' across the front.

I'm so happy, so happy happy happy...

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz. Check it out - it makes you happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A

YAY! I got 100% on my Antigone essay! YAY! I don't get it though - what's so perfect and 100%-ish about it? It's only my humble essay...the one that five people have wanted to read so far. That freaks me out. People actually want to read the things I write. Wow. Is that a sign I'll be a good journalist? I hope so.

GAAAAAAAAAH! Why does everything religious we do at school have to be so politically correct? It's SO ANNOYING!!!

The amount of Suju yaoi stuff there is out there disturbs me. Are fangirls so obsessive that they can't stand the thought of their precious idols getting with another girl? Face it fangirls, you'll never have a chance with Heechul! I heard he was eyeing Han Yeh-seul, actually... Or do they just like the idea of pretty girly boy x another pretty girly boy?

Have you ever noticed how much Peter Garrett and Voldemort have in common? They look alike, they're both two-faced, and they both attempt to take over your mind - one with Legilimency, one with greenie propaganda.

Attention everybody, I have formulated a theory. Religion is like headphones!

Allow me to explain. Well, as you walk the streets, doing your thing, you come across people wearing headphones. Not as in cute little iPod headphones, which you'd hardly notice, but BIG headphones. You can't really miss them. As the people walk along, some of them stay quiet, some of them hum along to the music they're listening to, and some sing. And then there are those who yell it out so loud the whole street can hear them.

These particular people, obviously, are not afraid of looking a bit weird. Some people, on the other hand, seem a little ashamed, and they hang around in the shadows, hoping not to be noticed. Some feel comfortable with their friends, but they take off the headphones when other people are around. And some just wear the headphones because they're forced to, hastening to assure everyone that it isn't by choice.

Now supposing you asked one of those people, why do you wear those headphones? Supposing the person was one of the enthusiasts screeching for the street to hear, they might start burbling about how awesome the music is, how their singing creates beautiful harmonies with the music, etc etc. This might get you excited and make you wish you had headphones too. Maybe you'd be sceptical, not trusting descriptions when you can't hear what's being described for yourself. Or maybe you'd just roll your eyes and tell the person that the headphones were brainwashing them.

At this point, perhaps the person would take off their headphones and let you listen. Maybe you'd like the music, and rush out to buy some headphones of your own. But the music can take some explaining, and if you no one's told you how to interpret it, it can sound like a harsh, discordant jangle.

Supposing you drifted off after this and decided to ask that sane-looking person over there, who was sitting down humming sedately, instead of displaying their enthusiasm to the general populace. This person might tell you similar things to what you've already heard, but they might also mention that the headphones are hi-tech and don't wear out, that you can learn a lot from listening to the music, and that there are millions of others who do the same. Perhaps this would convince you to go and buy some, but perhaps you'd just tell the person that their headphones were out of date and walk off.

People have a lot of reasons for thinking that wearing these headphones is uncool. Some think they look stupid, and you won't fit in if you wear them. Others think that they are waaaay outdated, and the wearers need to get with the times. Others say that the music coming from them brainwashes people, or that it's discriminatory, while others don't like the music and want to remix it to suit themselves.

The truth is, though, when you interpret the music correctly it certainly doesn't brainwash you, and a lot of people misinterpret its meaning. If we could be our own DJs, the message of the music would be lost, because we would accentuate the bits we liked and leave out everything else. The music doesn't work that way - you have to take the whole thing. And as for being outdated, the fact that the music has been around for a long time doesn't mean its lost its purpose or meaning. In fact, it's a testament to how important the music is - more than a billion people around the world still think it's pretty cool.

Some people think the headphones look stupid. When you can properly hear what's coming out of them, you don't really worry about how they look. People who don’t wear them only hear you, and perhaps, on your own you don’t sound that great. But with headphones on you can hear the whole symphony, and without you, it’s not complete. Anyway - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People who eschew headphones and loudly proclaim how stupid they are really don’t know what they’re missing.

I love my friends. In the cold, busy world of school and exams and stress, sometimes friends don't have time to talk much. In an ideal world, friends would always be together, smiling up at the sun in the bright blue sky. But sometimes times like that fade to mere memories, and we look back on them wistfully, remembering the times of colour in the grey landscape.

Everyone walks in two worlds. There's the physical world, that we all see, and there's the emotional world, that we all sense. If you could flip the switch to the emotional world, you would see everyone walking with their heads down and their hands in their pockets, hunched against the cold wind and the grey rain slipping endlessly from the clouds. Happiness bleeds slowly away...

But sometimes something happens to brighten the monotony of exam time. Just as you thought you were alone in the grey emotional world, someone hugs you unexpectedly from behind, someone gives you a special smile, someone, just as you thought they were leaving, turns and says, "Do you want to come too?" Then the sun shines through a gap in the clouds, turning the grey rain to a million sparkling prisms, glowing with every colour of the rainbow.

And somehow the joy you feel is stronger and sweeter than what you felt when the sun always shone, because the darker the time, the more special it is when someone cares enough to brighten it for you. Because it's easy to be happy under the warm sun and blue skies, but when everything is grey and happiness is disappearing, only someone who cares would reach out to you.

Everyone is full of natural optimism. But teachers, exams, fights, current affairs and endless grey mornings are all like stab wounds that attack us as we walk past them, and our happiness slowly bleeds away. And the bleeding will continue until someone cares enough to reach out their hand and make it stop.

This is why some special people always seem so optimistic - every time they press their hand to someone's bleeding heart, they catch some of the happiness as it tries to escape. These people are instantly recognisable because of the faint golden glow that surrounds them - particles of happiness, that brush off on anyone who passes them. Because they make so many people feel better, they have a lot of happiness to give. So some happiness spills over, and affects the people around them. And so it goes on...

And while you're at it, check out http://www.aidtochildren.com/. freerice donates rice to the UN, this site donates money to kids in need through World Vision. I've reached level 4 so far - see if you can do better!

Make that 50! Beat that! www.freerice.com!

Make that 49...

Dude, check out freerice.com. It's cool. And see if you can beat my score - level 47!

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO QUIZILLA?!?!?!?!?!

Interesting occurences, complaints and opinions...

• Ms McIlwaine SAID we could have a Year 10 marimba ensemble. So after exhaustive recruiting, we came to the music room at lunchtime and she WASN'T THERE! GAAAAAAAAH!

• At the end of period 7, I was just coming out of 10 Red after totally failing my maths test, when I ran into Simone...
  
  Simone: THERESE!
  Me: Huh?
  Simone: You're in the advanced class!
  Me: Er, no, I'm not...
  Simone: Oh, did you drop out?
  Me: No, I was never in it!
  Simone: Yes you were!
  Me: No I wasn't!
  Simone: Yes you were!
  Me: No I wasn't!
  
  Etc etc etc. People, I never did accelerated maths. I have enough trouble with general!

• Poor Sam. He had to have a blood test. Personally, though, I don't mind them that much. However, everyone seems to have a phobia of them. But that's just me and my slightly vampirical tendencies...oh, and speaking of vampires, Breaking Dawn is coming out in 71 days! YAY! I <3>

• Athletics tomorrow! *sigh*

Will write more later...

Well, we went to the Holocaust museum yesterday. It's . . . disturbing. People compare things like the 'stolen generation' and the Crusades to the Holocaust, but there really is no comparison. In both cases, there was no intention of brutally exterminating an entire race.

Lots of pictures. Lots of stories. Countless Jews who died just because of Hitler's paranoid racism. Jews and non-Jews who died saving others. Stories of heroism. Like the teacher who accompanied those children to a death camp, even though she didn't have to, so they wouldn't die alone. People who escaped the Nazis to join the Russian partisans and help fight. Girls in ghettos who smuggled ammunition to the resistance fighters. And like Lusia said, every person who died was a person, not just a statistic. Six million people died - six million people who had mums, dads, brothers, sisters, aunties, uncles, cousins, children and grandchildren.

But for some reason, the thought of losing friends hurts me more. Everyone always says how their family gives them identity, they couldn't live without them, etc. But for me, my friends give me identity. I am nothing without them, I couldn't live without them. Indeed, my friends are the reason I still exist at all, and I can't stand the thought of losing someone I'm really close to.

I think I'm emotionally retarded. I get upset about stupid things that don't bother anyone else, but the things that upset everyone else don't seem to affect me. Earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, cars accidents, funerals - all those humanitarian disasters that make everyone else sit silently and wipe their eyes - have no effect on me. If I'd gone to the museum on my own, I probably wouldn't be sad at all. In fact, the only reason I was sad is because my friends were.

I'm such a bitch. Or maybe I'm a psychopath. What kind of person only cares about things that happen to them and the people directly around them?

Two things - one good, one bad.

One - I have to redo my history assignment because I lost my USB and it's due tomorrow and I'm NOT HAPPY.

That's the bad.

Two - my uncle showed me how to get more free space on the hard drive, so I'm not constantly having to delete things in order to prevent the computer from crashing.

And that's good ^_^

Oh. My. Dear. God. I. Love. You. So. Much.

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you 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thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you 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Miracles do happen.

Y thank you God Y

OMG! Guess what happened. I saw our local newspaper sitting on the kitchen table, so I picked it up and opened it, and there on the third page was a big picture of the WYD cross. It took me another second to register that it was going crowdsurfing in a hall full of an awfully familiar uniform, and another second to realise I was looking at me! OMG! There's a picture of me in the Waverley Leader with the WYD cross! YAY! Well...you can't actually see my face, but you can see my hair. And the glasses. And my evil nails. Definitely me!

I'll bring it to school tomorrow ^_^

What's going on??? I thought Rate the Hits was about new songs. Gaaaaaaaaah...everything on there's at least three years old! Well maybe not everything, but you know what I mean.

Some things that happened at school today...

• Apparently we need to practice something called 'lockdown procedure', period two on Friday I think. It was like this...
  
  Ms Foletta: So you'll go to your normal classrooms...
  Various people: We have science then!
  Ms Foletta: So you'll be in Science, and you'll be having a normal class, then an announcement will come over the PA and your teacher will tell you what to do.
  Everyone: *agog to find out what it is that we're missing some of Science for*
  Ms Foletta: It's in case of...
  Psychotic voice in my head: TERRORISTS!
  Ms Foletta: A terrorist attack. You'll need to stay away from the windows and...
  Psychotic voice in my head: O_o
  
• Another thing that happened in homeroom. The teachers have decided to resurrect some ancient rule about not going into shopping centres in our uniform (well it's not that ancient, I knew it was there, but I chose to disobey ^_^) and now, if we want to go shopping after school and not 'catch the first available public transport home' like that stupid Code of Conduct tells us to, we need a note. GAAAAAAH! It's our life! Teachers shouldn't and can't control us outside school!!!
  
  Apparently, it's to 'uphold the school image'. How does carrying a little piece of paper around on the off chance that we might meet a teacher aid our 'school image' in any way, shape or form? Certain notorious Salesians will still perv at certain notorious girls who insist on hitching up their skirts, old people will still survey us disapprovingly and complain loudly about the youth of today, and our 'school image' won't change.
  
• We FINALLY performed our aerobics routine! And in spite of the chaotic rehearsals - tears, tantrums, fits of giggling, nervousness and people being away - we actually got an A! YAY! LET'S PARTY!
  
  So what have we learned from this, kids? Time to go disgustingly cliché and do a bit of analysing...
  
  Highs and lows of our 'aerobics journey' (sorry about the Americanism)
  
  Lows
  
  ~* Me bursting into tears because I didn't know what to do and I was messing it up (but then everyone hugged me and made me feel better, so that was nice ^_^)
  ~* People getting upset because someone supposedly wasn't concentrating, wasn't focused, wasn't taking it seriously, etc. (Aaargh, teen angst! Someone call the counselor!)
  ~* Those stupid leg movements! I didn't actually have to do them (lucky me) because I missed a lesson and I only came in for the last bit, but how are people supposed to get their arms and legs so coordinated?! And apparently, this is the kind of stuff the junior aerobics team does. Aiyeeeesh...now we all feel inferior...
  
  Highs
  
  ~* Is this a high or a low? I don't know, but NIAMH WOULDN'T STOP MAKING ME LAUGH! GYAAAAAAAAH! NIAMH! As aforementioned in a previous post, Niamh says she doesn't do it on purpose, but I have my suspicions...
  ~* People actually liked our routine! We weren't abysmally bad! PARTY!
  ~* Our routine was actually pretty cool. We had this whole James Bond/military thing going on...we rock.
  ~* Joanna is a good commanding officer. But watch out, Janet is harbouring mutinous thoughts...

Hey everyone, spare a thought for http://emizelenka.deviantart.com/. All the poor chick did was promise her friends to post up every piece of art she made - including a cute doodle of a Pooh-bear style bee. Now everyone's flaming her!

Here are some things losers have said...

You think you're such a good artist! Well you're not!
She wasn't setting herself up as one.

Commenting this is a waste of time!
Then don't comment it, losers!

OMG this is sooooo aweful lyk I coud do better wen I was 2!
Wouldn't 'aweful' mean the same thing as 'awesome'? Some spelling lessons wouldn't go astray...

This is an insult to real art - like mine! It shouldn't be getting all these favourites!
Sour grapes much? Maybe you're art's not so great after all!

It just goes to show how mean some people are. They don't comment things they do like, but they comment other things just to flame the artist! It also shows they have NO sense of humour, are just jealous, and need to get a life. And I think people can define art for themselves - they don't need some opinionated idiot who can't appreciate inside jokes doing it for them.

Now if you have deviantART, go and send poor emizelenka a nice message.

So we didn't have to do our debates today after all *relieved sigh* Thankyou Leah for not coming to school! ^_^

But, unfortunately, we do have to do it tomorrow. And we also have aerobics, which I am in no way prepared for. Lol at Joanna though: "If you (meaning poor Marisa) steal her spot one more time, I give you, Therese Schaefer, my express permission to go like THIS *throws arms out in cheerleader style* and knock her out!" Ah, poor Marisa. But it will all be over by this time tomorrow.

And why are there THREE PEOPLE talking to me on MSN at the same time?! I hate it when that happens! That little 'brrdlp' noise is going to haunt me forever! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Lots of people were away today. Is that due to illness or debates? Well, we shall never know. I don't think anyone ever writes in their diary, "Dear Ms Foletta, (insert name here) was away on (insert date here) because she didn't want to do her debate. Yours sincerely, (name of parent)." Seriously, someone should try it.

I just made another deviation, everybody! I now have eleven! The latest one is sort of WYD-related - tell me if you like it or not, because I'm not sure if it looks right yet.

And I still haven't written my speech for debating! What's a third speaker meant to do, anyway? Wll, at least I'll be going last, so no one will rebut me and say how stupid my arguments are. But I don't even have Liz's points, only Rachel's, seeing as I wasn't here on Wednesday or Friday, so I don't even know what to write about!!!

Ms Grace is gonna kill me...somebody pray for me!

YAY! Someone favourited my Gerard Way story on deviantART! Thankyou so much, Traxeragon!

And btw, PLEASE check out my new deviation at thepardalote.deviantart.com - I really liked how it turned out and its kind of pretty ^_^

More interesting quotes...

Now for this prac, we need 20mL of chlodium soride...
~Niamh

Exhume my frog!
~Niamh

(A word of explanation - Niamh saw a dude whose T-shirt said 'Excuse my back' on the front, and 'Excuse my front' on the back. But she was going past in the car and she only saw it for a second, so she thought it said 'Exhume my frog'! And by the way, if you want to say it en français, it's 'exhumer ma grenouille'. Poor Mrs McConachie...it was like this...

Joanna: Mrs McConachie...
Mrs McConachie: Yes?
Joanna: How do you say - I mean, ça ce dit comment - 'exhume my frog' en français, s'il vous plaît?

Lol.)

I know there were more interesting quotes, I just can't remember them... :S

And btw, why is the WYD office sending me propaganda about 'discovering Australia'? I actually LIVE in Australia, for your information! And why would I want to discover Sydney? Not much chance of doing that while it's overrun by pilgrims - and anyway, Melbourne is better than Sydney. Yay for city patriotism!

Check out www.thesurrealist.co.uk/24.cgi. It's FUNNY. Really it is. Go there and keep clicking on the big 24.

And when you're tired of that, try out www.thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia.pl and type your name into it.

And then go to the http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/ homepage and you'll never be bored online again...

More interesting quotes...

Now for this prac, we need 20mL of chlodium soride...

~Niamh

Exhume my frog!

~Niamh

(A word of explanation - Niamh saw a dude whose T-shirt said 'Excuse my back' on the front, and 'Excuse my front' on the back. But she was going past in the car and she only saw it for a second, so she thought it said 'Exhume my frog'! And by the way, if you want to say it en français, it's 'exhumer ma grenouille'. Poor Mrs McConachie...it was like this...

Joanna: Mrs McConachie...

Mrs McConachie: Yes?

Joanna: How do you say - I mean, ça ce dit comment - 'exhume my frog' en français, s'il vous plaît?

Lol.)

I know there were more interesting quotes, I just can't remember them... :S

OMGZ! Xin Wo by Fahrenheit is the cutest song EVER! OMG OMG OMG go check out the MV on YouTube!

Hehe...the school computers haven't blocked blogspot! In typical school style, they block my Cbox, but not my actual blog. It's a SIGN, I tell you! Symbolic of how teachers always worry about the symptoms, but ignore the problem.

How ironic. Everyone's up in arms (pardon the pun) about that fashion designer who used replicas of war medals in her show, even though she wasn't intending any disrespect, but people have no problem about designers, singers, actors, everybody, making fun of Christianity, with deliberate intent to offend.

Attention everyone, I have an important announcement to make! *clears throat* I wish to dedicate this post to *drum roll* NIAMH! Because she's awesome ^_^ She is probably the sole readership of this blog, but she's a great sole readership ^_^

Note all the comments in my Cbox there! If you're a regular reader of my blog (which I doubt anyone is) you should be commenting too! And if you read all those comments she posted about the thunderstorm, you will note she is a very good writer.

Niamh, don't you try to contradict me! You ARE a good writer! And no, you're NOT the world's worst writer/typer/speller or whatever other stupid things you say in Geography. Don't let Niamh poison your innocent minds with these fallacies, people! Allow me to enlighten you! If you didn't already know, Niamh is an excellent speller, better than most, a competent typer, and a very good writer.

Niamh is also one of the funniest people I know - she says she doesn't try to make me laugh, but she still does . . . a lot. Like in the tent on camp, as members of our class may ruefully testify. We weren't that loud, were we? But crazy German bus drivers sound so much funnier when you're camping in a tent on the banks of the Murray . . .

Being Niamh's partner in PE can be dangerous! Doubled up with laughter is not a good position to be in when there are stray tennis balls flying around . . . which, judging by the tennis-playing skills of the majority of our class, there usually are. And in our first tennis lesson, I got hit by FIVE of them! Gaaah! Am I a magnet for them or something?! *glares darkly at tennis balls* But that's getting off the subject . . .

And she is also very smart! Don't protest, Niamh, you know it's true! An example of Niamh's mighty wisdom - the SIMS THEORY! *lightning* *thunder* *celestial music* Well anyway . . . the Sims theory is, maybe we're just like the Sims, except we think we have free will and we're controlling ourselves, but we're actually beng controlled by giants or something, and the Sims we play with think they're controlling themselves, and they play with Sims too, and so on and so on etc. Well . . . maybe that's more an example of a good imagination, but whatever. Niamh is smart!

AND she is a fellow sufferer of Telephonophobia! Unlike other teenagers who seem to exist with the phone permanently glued to their ear, I hate making phone calls! Even if it's one of my closest friends, I still have an irrational desire to hide the phone somewhere so it will never ever be found...

Guess what! If you know Niamh, you will know that she is very anti-hugs. To remedy this terrible state of affairs, we have scheduled 'I Love Niamh Day' in November. But I have discovered the secret to Niamh's heart! This is what happened...

Me: *sidles up to Niamh's desk with ticket to JCI mass*

Niamh: *is oblivious, talking to Marisa and Steph*

Me: Oh Niamh!

Niamh: *turns around*

Me: Look what I've got for you!

Niamh: *grabs ticket and examines it*

Me: *opens mouth to speak*

Niamh: *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OMG! OMG! OMG! THANK YOU THERESE! I was sad because I thought I wouldn't get one and I really wanted to go thank you thank you THANK YOU!* etc

Me: *beams benevolently at Niamh's rapturousness*

Niamh: Can I hug you?

Me: Go ahead!

YAY! NIAMH ACTUALLY HUGGED ME! YAY! Now that I know how to make Niamh happy, I will make sure to give her lots and lots of WYD-related tickets...

And finally and very very importantly, Niamh always makes me happy! Eg today in PE, while we were doing horrible aerobics and I was just asking Janet if she had ever considered group suicide, Niamh starts doing this psycho dance and made everyone laugh! YAY! Yay for psychoness! THANK YOU NIAMH! I love you ^_^

I somehow intepreted 'Join Google Adwords' as 'Jungle Of Swords.' Strange...

Mikey Way + glasses = cute. Teehee! ^_-

Why did he have to get corrective surgery? Not fair! He looked adorable before! *pout*

I'm so sorry for the poor atheists. Just when they were thinking faith was dead among the young people, all this World Youth Day propaganda starts appearing out of nowhere! Packed churches, youth festivals, marches and parades and who knows what else. And if the atheists in Melbourne are annoyed, think of the ones in Sydney! Poor things...the deluded ones (aka Catholics) will be arriving en masse, and they won't be able to pretend it isn't happening, because the city will be full of them! If I was an atheist, I would take advantage of the cheap flights out of Australia, and lie on a beach in Hawaii for a week, lamenting the state of humanity. Muahahahaha...

How can Joel stand having his pants that low??? Don't they fall down?!

What never ceases to amaze me is the credulity of teachers. How can a teacher honestly believe that if they make me sit in sickbay for an entire period when I just need to go home, interrogate me for another period, then make me go back to class for another period and then call my mum, I'm gonna open up to them?

They bombard you with questions: What's wrong with you? Why don't you like school? Are you having family problems? Are you having a problem with your friends? Problems with schoolwork? Is this why you're avoiding school?

They get an idea fixated in their head - that you don't like school and you're avoiding it - and nothing you can say will change their mind. This is why there is no point going into depth to answer their questions, because they'll think they can solve all your problems by simply sending you off to the counselor. Meaning you miss lessons and get behind.

Every grownup seems to have a story about an 'inspirational' teacher who 'helped them on their path to success'. Yes, I have had some nice teachers, but not inspirational. Well, some have inspired vengeful sentiments in me, but nothing else.

I mean, I totally fail to understand why teachers would care about students. They teach us, they get money, they complain in the staff room about how uncontrollable we are. Every year, they regurgitate the same old cliches about what a wonderful year level we've been - no, I really mean it! Sure you do teacher, sure you do. They tell us not to generalise, but I find it rather hard not to.

After all, teachers were one of the main reasons I was isolated and miserable in primary school, and nearly killed myself before someone rescued me. Teachers yelled at my little sister for doing her work too slowly and not concentrating, when she had just begun Prep and could hardly write. They totally ignored my little brother when he was bullied, and I had to physically protect him from getting beaten up - for two years.

The teachers yelled at us for dragging older siblings into it, saying it was mean and cowardly - what's the alternative? Watch Joseph get beaten up while I wait for a teacher to actually do something about it?

Me: Miss, can you help us?

Teacher: What's the matter with him?

Joseph: *sobs uncontrollably*

Me: Well he -

Teacher: No, let Joseph talk!

Joseph: *tries to talk but can't stop crying*

Teacher: Well, if he won't even talk to me! *walks off*

Bitch.

How can teachers honestly think the stuff they tell us will work?

"If you're uncomfortable with someone's behaviour, look them in the eye and say, "I don't like what you're doing." It really works!"

Do they honestly believe that? Or did they have fun inventing junk to make us believe? That didn't do much to help Joseph when he was getting beaten up by gangs of boys bigger and stronger and him! As Dad says, sometimes you have to hit people to get through to them. Oh, how barbaric! How primitive! Surely, you can just negotiate! Er, how about no. When was the last time you tried separating some boys intent on killing each other?

All I did was drag this kid off Joseph who was trying to kick his head. But then I got in big trouble - Joseph has to learn to defend himself! Joseph has to be independent! Don't hurt innocent Preps! Innocent? Yeah, little kids beating each other up and swearing at the teacher while they discuss the R-rated movies they've been watching are just so innocent.

So, it's kind of hard for me to believe that teachers care about me. Back when I was naive enough to tell them my problems, they certainly weren't any help. Why would things have changed?

Oh. My. Gosh. JACQUI'S UNGROUNDED! FINALLY! After what was meant to be four weeks, but turned out to be four months - that's a quarter of a year! - she is FREE! YAY! I wrote an inspiring speech to mark this auspicious occasion, but I don't think writing it here would be a very good idea.

It had lots of cool long words in it though, such as 'dawn of salvation' and 'the golden age of anarchy has begun' and 'the iron fist of parental rule has been shattered'! Not that parental rule is necessarily a bad thing...but you get the picture.

From now on, the 18th of April shall be known as FREEDOM DAY! And we shall celebrate it every year by eating freedom cookies and eating freedom cake, like we did today. No one will be permitted to forget it!

I think I'll go away now and hug my teddy and try to take it all in. Jacqui's free...

Something really weird happened yesterday. I was just sitting at the kitchen table, making Steph's birthday card, laughing about nothing with Gen and Helena, and just being psycho. Perfectly happy, not a worry in the world. And then, it was like this huge wave of sadness just crashed down on me. I couldn't do anything - I just left all my stuff and went to bed and cried myself to sleep. And I have absolutely no idea why it happened.

. . . o_O

If you're looking for chaos, look no further than our house. Here's a sample of what you're likely to get...

Helena: Catch him! Catch him!
Luke: No! Never!
Mum: Could someone get a jug of water for me?
Gen: MUM! He SCRATCHED me!
Joseph: *evil laugh*
Helena: Come BACK, you stupid oogy! (An imaginary creature.)
Luke: You're an oogy yourself!
Joseph: KILL HIM! KILL HIM!
Gen: Oh NO, Muzzle's escaped again!
Helena: That evil guinea pig!
Mum: What a rebellious creature!
Gen: Absolutely!
Me: Completely! Totally! Undeniably! Inescapably! Indestructively!
Helena: Irrefutably!
Mum: That's enough, girls!
Luke: I'm an animal that's afraid of dinner plates!
Everyone else: Not again!
Luke: *superior smirk*
Luke: AAAAAAAH! It's a dinnerplate! *hides under table*
Me: Why not call it something else?
Joseph: Like a blue butterfly!
Me: Like a 'toasted vegemite sandwich receptacle'. Or a 'tea plate'. Or an 'after lunch plate'. Or a 'before sweets plate'. Or an 'hour of dining plate'.
Gen: And at the hour of our dining, Amen!
Dad: *ferocious glare*
Joseph: What about a blue plate witha penguin on it, with diamonds and leaves stuck to it, with pink wings with diamond shaped feathers, and four five foot feet?
Everyone else: *mystified silence*

Yes...if I seem to be acting a little strangely, my surroundings might be a partial explanation. Come and visit sometime - that is, if you can navigate past the obstacles. If you can avoid being squashed by the hat stand next to the door that's missing a leg, tripping over the inevitable battle zone of lego that adorns the hall floor, being ambushed by the cupboard that spills towels and hairthings at you when you walk past, becoming entangles in the mess of pipes and electrical wire that mysteriously appears in unlikely places, slipping in the puddles of water under the leaky bit, and being flattened by the various siblings that are apt to come flying at you round corners, well done!

I have recently realised that some people are as good at blaming the government for everything as I am at blaming teachers for everything. Probably better. How can the storm on Wednesday POSSIBLY be anyone's fault?

Person in newspaper: This just shows how ineffective the government is! No one cares about the working class! We can't even get through to our electricity company etc etc etc.

Well of course you can't get through to the electricity company! They're busy rebuilding the network and fixing your power, they don't have time to take calls! And they must be doing a good job too - two days ago people were saying there were 10 000 homes without power, and this morning I heard there are just 100, and they're supposed to be back on by midday today. Dude . . .

I FINALLY got my story posted on fanfiction.net! You wouldn't believe how long it took! Read and review - http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=4171741&chapter=1. If you've already read it, read it again - I've improved it!

I love the library. I've been terribly library-deprived lately - Mum won't ever take us seeing as we always lose something and have to pay fines, which is understandable but annoying, since it's not me who loses stuff, it's my evil brothers! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Anyway, all they ever want to do is go on the computers there.

We all have a library card - except me, mine is lost - but there are only two we can actually use, because the rest have overdue books on them and the librarians won't like it if they find out. At least last time I checked. I think we returned them, because we haven't had any library fines in a while.

I'm trying to read as many books as I can these holidays, so if Miss Grace is annoyed with me, I can redeem myself. Eg: "Therese! What did I just say?"
Me: "Um..."
Miss Grace: "Have you been paying any attention this lesson? You should be listening to others sharing their holiday reading! You should be respecting your classmates! Did you read one book on the holidays?!"
Me: "Nope!"
Miss Grace: "Well I'm very disappointed-"
Me: "I didn't read one, I read 32!"

I know it's highly unlikely, but that's what imagination is for!

I've read 21 books so far these holidays - and they were proper books, not just picture books or something. Mum says library-going is strictly a holiday phenomenon, so I must take advantage of it while it lasts. . .

Ayah! Do you know just how HARD it is trying to post a story on fanfiction.net? Well, first I made my username and password, but I had to receive a validation e-mail before I could log in. So I went to my inbox and clicked on the validation link, and logged in, and just as I thought I could post my story, a message popped up and said that new users have to wait two hours before they can post anything! Since it was already late there was no point waiting two hours, so I left it for another day.

So I went back to fanfiction.net again this morning, and after eventually finding the tiny link in the corner that would enable me to post my story, I discovered I had to read yet another long list of terms and conditions! So I actually read it for once, not wanting my story to be deleted - and now I am wondering if it will ever get published at all, or just get stuck in the endless maze of rules and regulations . . .

So I read the long and daunting list of terms and conditions, and went back to the 'New Story' link. Then I discovered I have to upload my story to the document manager first. So I went there, and discovered that new users have to wait two days before they can post anything!

Then I remembered why I love my blog - no proof-readers, no beta readers, no rules and regulations, no terms and conditions, just me and my keyboard. Aaah yes... *peaceful sigh*

I have something very important to say. If you have a problem with my religion, I don't care! Telling me I'm stupid, naive, fundamentalist, brainwashed or anything else isn't going to change my mind!

You can try to convince me to go atheist all you want, and tell me how wrong you think I am all you like. If you have something rational to say, I will listen and think about it and consider it. But if all you have to say is 'religion is dumb' go talk to someone who cares.

After weeks of waiting, no, months, it's finally here. A real thunderstorm. The kind with crashes of thunder, flashes of brilliant lightning, illuminating everything for a split second with an eerie purple-blue glow, and drenching rain, soaking me in a matter of seconds.

There I was, listening to 'The Sharpest Lives', when someone opened the window and a flood of rain-scented air poured in. I turned up the music, flung open the door, and let the rain fall. We must have scared the neighbours - three crazy girls, dancing and yelling and singing in the rain, splashing in puddles, running on the road, and dashing out of the way just in time as a car's headlights turn the rain to silver streaks.

Guess what? I got to drive a car last night! Well...not exactly - all I did was somehow get it to the other end of the Coles carpark at Chadstone, but whatever. Go me!

This is to counteract the previous post - that one was for my enemies, this one is for my friends. I wish I could write it better, but nothing I could write could ever do justice to the people I love, and what's below is just a tiny fraction of what I would say if I could find the words.

~*Y*~

If life gets tricky and you slip, I'll be there at your back,

I'll catch you when you fall and I'll help you get back on track.

If you're going through hard times, I'll be there by your side,

I'll hold your hand and help you stand and never let you slide.

If there's a gun aimed at your heart, I'll stand in front of you,

I'll take your bullet gladly - it's the least that I could do.

And when I'm up in heaven, high up in the sunny blue,

I'll smile down upon you and I'll always pray for you.

~*Y*~

we are the nameless ones
the silent ones
we are more than you know
but you know none of us

we walk hand in hand with sadness
loneliness sleeps beside us at night
we are the same but we don’t know it
and each of us feels like the only one
doomed to this meaningless existence

the dark cloud of depression hangs over my head
forever raining tears that mingle with the ones on my face
and the ones in my heart

salty tears, stinging the wounds
where your knife stabbed me, again and again

my back’s still bleeding from the unthinkable
you said you loved me
then you turned and proved otherwise
backstabber

my blood’s wet and warm on your traitorous hands
but you pretend to wipe my tears away
and I recoil from your touch

because we are opposites, you and I
I am fire, you are ice
fires burn hot and dangerous inside my soul
flames of passion, anger and unrequited love
fed with hurt and rejection
until they threaten to destroy me

but you are ice
frozen feelings, emotions, morals
cold, frozen heart
hard eyes, that never shed a tear of sympathy
mirrored in your plastic smile
and feigned innocence

you look down on me, you despise me
trapped in this dark box with no key

surrounded by my fears
and my miserable lack of confidence
afraid of everything
hurt, pain, rejection, loneliness
strange, I’m not used to them yet
I should be, but it hurts more each time

you fear none of these things
but the one thing you fear
is the one thing that I don’t
my true self

you hide your true self
behind a blank white mask
everything you feel, you pretend not to feel
anything to fit in with the crowd

and maybe, behind your elaborate charade of confidence
you realise, to your chagrin, that I see right through you
and while you ridicule my insecurity
you try desperately to hide your own
and inside you know, in truth
you don’t despise me
I despise you more

selling your soul for five seconds of fame
I wouldn’t foul my tongue by saying your name
and perhaps, we are actually alike
not opposites at all

because, for all your lies and pretense
you fear and worry as much as I do
you are afraid of rejection much more than I am
I fear being cast out by those who hate me
but you are abandoned by the ones you call friends

What teachers don't seem to understand is that students, whatever else they may be, aren't stupid. Although students can be loud, obnoxious, disruptive, disrespectful, unpunctual, annoying and (in my case) giggle too much, they are not stupid. And everyone is complaining, whether directly or indirectly, about the state of religous education.

Yes, although Sacred Heart's RE program is up there with the best of Melbourne schools, that doesn't mean it's good. Oh no. Here are some complaints I've heard . . .

"I'm getting really good at writing junk on my RE exam and gettings As - all you have to is write about 'salvation' and how Jesus died for us, and you get top marks!"

"It's all about 'tolerance' and 'love'. There's nothing else to it!"

"I'm so tired of hearing about how God loves us. How can I believe it if they never give me proof he's real?"

"They explain the stuff that doesn't need to be explained, but they don't expain the hard stuff, because they don't even know themselves!"

"RE exams are such a bludge - you don't need to study, whatever you write, it's all the same anyway."

"You mean you can actually get tested in RE?! I thought it was all about personal interpretation!"

"I started losing my faith in Year 7 - we only had him for a term, but the teacher taught us so many contradictions I just couldn't believe it anymore."

And here's some stuff from the teachers...

Me: Isn't that a dogma?

Teacher: Well, it depends on what you were taught.

HOW DOES WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT CHANGE WHAT'S TRUE?

Student: But why did Jesus die on the cross, like, what was in it for us?

Teacher: I'm not sure, I'll have to look up that one!

DUDE! Thats the most BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL aspect of Catholicism and SHE DOESN'T KNOW! Is it any wonder students don't take religion seriously?

Whoever wrote the school mission statement is the most hypocritical person ever. 'Providing a vigorous Catholic education...faith development...' etc. Rubbish. The stuff we get at school doesn't help people develop their faith, it makes them lose it.

IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR! It's heartbreaking, watching my friends losing their faith. And it's often the smartest people. The ones who aren't so smart swallow everything as a child, think it's boring and pointless when they get older, and keep that attitude forever. But the smart ones, once they hit secondary school, start to question it. And that's good. But they question it, and find it unsatisfactory. And the reason? No one explains it properly to them.

Certain people I know are extremely smart. If someone actually bothered to explain the fundamentals to them, it would make perfect sense. But since no one does, they have several options.

A. View Catholicism as some outdated remnant of the Dark Ages.
B. View it as bigoted, sexist and discriminatory.
C. View as soppy stuff fit only for freaks and old people.
D. See it as plain impossible.

But it's none of these. I'm lucky - I have an entire family, extended and immediate, to clarify and explain everything I want to know. But not everyone does. And unless you have someone or something like that, or an extremely firm faith, you lose all belief.

And a lot of the fault lies with teachers. Yes, it is parents' fault too. But if no one taught them, how can they teach their kids? But teachers entire purpose is to teach - and they're failing dismally. If you disillusion and confuse a kid and make them lose their religion and possibly their soul, whatever happens after they die, you assume full responsibility. for. And a class full of immortal souls is a pretty big thing.

It's ridiculous that a 'Catholic' school makes so much fuss about every conceivable subject, and when it comes to RE, the one subject that matters after you die, they let anyone teach it. If someone taught VCE maths who had no idea how and no qualifications, everyone would be outraged. That's students' future careers being jeopardised! But if someone who isn't even a practising Catholic is teaching RE, that's students' souls in danger. And that is infinitely more important than any job or career.

I think one of the saddest statements you can hear is 'I used to be Catholic.' I have friends who stopped being Catholic because they saw no sense in it, friends who stopped because their teachers were so contradictory that you just couldn't believe them, friends who can't decide because they have no one to guide them. If someone had just bothered to explain it properly when they were younger, things might not be like this now.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE CATHOLIC EDUCATION SYSTEM?!

My parents don't get it. Mum did homeschooling, Dad practically had no friends. When I complain, they just say, "At least you get a proper education in religion!" What about my friends who don't? I can't do anything about it - nothing short of a miracle will change some people's minds. No one gets just how much it upsets me - because when they've lived their life, they'll wonder, "What's left now?" And no matter what a failure your life might have been, or how successful, sooner or later you'll reach that conclusion. "What's next? What's left?" And what will happen when people have nothing left, just death, with no purpose or meaning?

WHY IS IT LIKE THIS? WHY DO SO MANY KIDS NOT GET THE EDUCATION IN RE THEY DESERVE? THE ONE SUBJECT THAT SHOULD BE A GIVEN AT A 'CATHOLIC' SCHOOL, YOU DON'T GET!

And you don't even learn the fundamentals. Who cares if you know which gospels are synoptic if you don't know what they mean? What's the use of knowing what monks used to copy Biblical texts if you don't even know what they wrote? Why can't we just learn what's worth knowing?

Yay! We got budgies! Three adorable budgies named Brooke, Charlie and Lola. So cute...

People think of death as far away, something they don't need to worry about for years yet. But it isn't. Death is a paradox - so far away and distant, and so close at the same time.

When we die, if we've tried to do the right thing, we go to heaven and live with God forever. He is the light of the world, and living on earth is like seeing light through a curtain. We can see the light and know it is there, but it illuminates things only imperfectly. We can't see or understand properly until the curtain is drawn aside.

Everything beautiful on earth is a reflection of some aspect of God. Everything evil is a distortion of it. We can only see fragments here on earth, with the curtain obscuring the light, but our world is still an amazingly beautiful place. It helps us to know God, because it makes sense that to create something beautiful, awe-inspiring or majestic, one must possess these qualities.

One analogy is this. If you have glasses, you'll understand what I mean. When I was little and I didn't have glasses, I thought I could see perfectly. Everything was clear, and I could see what it was. But when I tried on my new glasses, I was amazed by how much clearer and brighter everything looked. Or if you stand outside at night and think how big and bright the stars above your house are, but when you go to the country, you see how many more stars there are, unobscured by pollution and city lights. We think the world is beautiful, which it is, but everything we see is just a shadow of what heaven will be like.

What we see is like looking at a reflection of something in the water, or a dirty mirror. I read somewhere that everyone is like water, and we mirror the glory of God. The stiller the water, the clearer the reflection will be. All the beautiful qualities we admire in the people we love are reflections of God, and His light shining through them. And when we die, we will see God as He is. Not a reflection, not a fragment, not in dim light, but in reality.

Why be afraid of death?

Guess what? Yesterday we adopted a guinea pig named Giselle! A very traumatised guinea pig. Her sister was killed by a cat when she was a baby, and the rabbit she used to share her hutch with just died :(

And guess what also happened. There was a dove that couldn't fly very well that lived in our backyard, and we used to feed it and give it water. It even let us hold it! And then this morning, Dad came and said it had been killed by a cat.

Why do things always die?

I’m very jumpy today. I’m not quite sure why. But then, I’m always jumpy when Mum’s not around, and we’re stuck with Dad…

Mum and Genevieve are currently on choir camp, which is where I should be too, except for the fact that school camp left me a nervous wreck! *sues OEG*

Dad’s always getting angry with me, because I jump violently and drop whatever I’m holding every time he says my name. But since he usually says my name to yell at me, you can’t blame me for instinctively going into defense mode.

Here are some interesting quotes from caaaaaaaaaamp...

"Help! My sleeping bag's turning into a bean of some description!"
~Niamh

"Hi-five, my morbid friend!"
~Liz

"It's not a paddle, it's a light sabre!"
~Nat

"Where is this penis I hear of?"
~Jasnel

"Therese! What do you think this is? We're on rations!"
~Jess (luckily for hungry me, she was joking)

"Frickin' ants on steroids!"
~Liz

"Die, you retarded ant, DIE!"
~Steph

Oh and by the way...I psychoanalysed Niamh, and discovered that in a past life she was a plastic mermaid inside a snowglobe of the Empire State Building with green glitter inside, onn a dusty green base that was scratched on one side! This resided on a hippy's mantelpiece, next to a green jade cat.

Thankyou! I know I'm weird ^_^

I have discovered another method of stress relief! Well, it exacerbates other people's stress...but it makes me feel better, in an evil sort of way...

It goes like this - strip, leaving clothes on the floor to annoy parents, hop into the shower, then vent one's stress! Scream, squirt shampoo all over everything, throw all the sponges, facewashers and related paraphernalia into a wet heap on the floor, bang on the shower walls until the whole house shakes, or, as in my case, sit on the floor and cry one's eyes out! (This is especially effective if it's eleven o'clock and everyone's in bed.)

Angry parents and siblings will doubtless come to the door and yell at you, but simply turn up the water and ignore them! Muahahahaha...

IT'S SO BLOODY FUCKING UNFAIR!

I have discovered a new method of stress relief. Smashing bricks! It's so satisfying, picking up a brick, throwing it and seeing it smash into smithereens on the concrete! It was strange though - when I finally got tired and the driveway was littered with rubble, I looked down at my hands. My right hand was covered in dirt, but my left hand was clean, except for a bloody slash made by a sharp edge, and a single smudge of dirt in the shape of a heart.

IF I CAN'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SOON I'M GONNA GO INSANE! AAAAAAARGH!